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Football history is littered with examples of the “phoenix club” – the term that describes the formation of a club following the demise of an existing club.
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This is not a wind up dear reader – Gary Moore has gone. It is the end of an era.
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The Kickers v Facilities (1230 GMT)
After last week’s dismal 1-5 reversal, the Kickers will start this return match as serious underdogs. Their early week optimism and defiance has turned to trepidation and doubt as kick off approaches.
Breaking: Last week’s strike force of Andy Hoole and Aaron Barwick have cried off and manager Gary Moore’s promise of a proper goalkeeper (i.e. a ringer) have turned out to be false with old timer John “Ned” Kelly on net duty.
Breaking 2: No proper keeper and no proper kit for The Kickers again – it’s those annoying red bibs for the lads once more.
Facilities Alan (“scab”) Hewett, Faz, Luka and some other blokes
Referee: Mr As If (Dreamland, Fantasyshire)
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Yaay..the 6-a-side league is back!
Err…not quite. This was a hastily arranged Friday lunchtime friendly..no team strip or owt…
No team strip – was it skins against shirts then?
Heavens no!!! The lads had their Mars Just Play bibs on over their individual shirts – so mercifully no sign of any flesh – middle age spread and all that…
I see…so what happened then?
They lost 5-1
Oi arsey! I can see the score for myself. Any chance of a quick match report?
The lads said they didn’t want one..given the result and all.
Sod that! Let’s have it…
But I promised….
Dickiebliss…the purveyor of truth and justice silenced by the deflated egos of a bunch of middle-aged losers? Say it ain’t so…
Well maybe I could just give them some marks out of 10 then…
That’s the spirit….what harm could that do?
Yes you’re right…Dickiebliss cannot be censored or sanitised… print and be damned and all that…
(Sound of hands being rubbed followed by a schadenfraude-filled chuckle)
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What’s this then? Thought the 6-a-side season hadn’t started yet. Well it hasn’t dear reader but this was something different …this was The Kickers in full on 11-a-side action.
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After a Summer of Tuesday lunchtime kick-a-bouts, The Kickers finally had a proper fixture albeit just a friendly. How did we know this was the real thing? Well the boys were in their full kit for one and secondly a 9 man squad had turned up for this game. Middle aged men just cannot resist even the merest hint of competitive edge – there is nothing more certain in the world – except perhaps that the Strictly Come Dancing line-up will feature at least one no-mark D-lister you’ve never heard of.
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THE PLAYERS
Another striker turned goalkeeper - one Luis Suarez - his Mum must be so proud
GARY MOORE
Position: Goalkeeper/ Manager
Appearances:
League: 11; Friendlies: 2
Goals: 0
Man of the Match Awards: 2
Average rating: 7.6
The verdict: Vindication is the word that sums up Gary’s season. After last year’s poor strike rate, the gaffer resolved to keep goal rather than keep missing the goal this time around and it proved to be a masterstroke. Some fine performances and top drawer saves littered Gary’s highlights reel culminating in the save of the season in the last seconds of the last game that secured 2nd spot. The question is what will Moore do next year? Stick (goalie) or twist (and shout) to be let out up front?
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OK…once more … but this time …it’s the last time. No second legs, no replays, no “there’s always next week”. For the Kickers the moment had arrived. Last chance saloon. One more game to achieve immortality – well 2nd place in the league anyway. And for those of you thinking that 2nd place is nowhere (yes I mean you Roman Abramovich), then you obviously have no soul. 2nd place would be a fantastic achievement for The Kickers – a team with almost certainly the oldest average age in the league. By rights they should be hopelessly adrift at the foot of the table. Yet every week this bunch of journeymen footballers have been performing miracles, punching above their weight and pulling results out of the bag and this – the runners up spot – is their reward. So let’s have it right, 2nd place is everything to The Kickers.
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Oscar Wilde once wrote that “All art is quite useless” – it’s an interesting debate. Is there any point to something of aesthetic value that is of no practical use? Can there be a place in the world for useless beauty?
Why so philosophical Dickie? It’s all because of the latest Kickers game which involved two of the most picturesque goals you will ever witness but which ultimately counted for nought as your brave heroes were undone by some of the scabbiest, shabbiest and downright bedraggled goals of all time.
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It struck Dickiebliss in the week that each Kickers match is very much like an adventure story which features a main character around whom that week’s events are all anchored. So one week it ‘ll all be about Tony Ward’s endless fight to repel the ravages of old age, the next it will be about Andy Thompson’s bleeding knee and so on. Of course every week is about how bad Gaz Thompson was again. In fact, it’s just like Camberwick Green.
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