Dickiebliss’s Blog


The Kickers 3-5 Facilities
March 19, 2012, 10:05 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The Kickers v Facilities (1230 GMT)

After last week’s dismal 1-5 reversal, the Kickers will start this return match as serious underdogs. Their early week optimism and defiance has turned to trepidation and doubt as kick off approaches.

Breaking: Last week’s strike force of Andy Hoole and Aaron Barwick have cried off and manager Gary Moore’s promise of a proper goalkeeper (i.e. a ringer) have turned out to be false with old timer John “Ned” Kelly on net duty.

Breaking 2: No proper keeper and no proper kit for The Kickers again – it’s those annoying red bibs for the lads once more.

Line-ups: 
Kickers Kelly, Bayliss, Thompson G., Ewen, Moore, Sherratt, Chin

Facilities Alan (“scab”) Hewett, Faz, Luka and some other blokes

Referee: Mr As If (Dreamland, Fantasyshire)

12.30 Kick off  Facilities kick off playing a man short as Luka, the very antithesis of a short man, hasn’t turned up yet.

12.31 Missing ball stops play: Robert Sherratt devises his own version of Crossbar Challenge when he arrows a shot over the crossbar and into a space in between the perimeter netting and the fence. With the ball stuck in the one place nobody can get at it, play is held up until a replacement can be found. Just like Fernando Torres, Robert could play for 1541 mins without being able to do that again.

12.32 GOAL The Kickers 0-1 Facilities (some guy called Matty or something…): The Kickers are left ball-watching as Matty turns sharply in the box to score. To be fair, what is the problem with ball-watching anyway. How do you play football without watching where the ball is?

12.35 GOAL The Kickers 0-2 Facilities (Matty): Utter garbage from The Kickers as their defence disappears faster than the Wolves crowd after Man U’s 3rd goal went in last Sunday.


12.41 GOAL The Kickers (Paul Chin) 1-2 Facilities: Against the odds and certainly the run of play, The Kickers conspire to play something almost recognisable as football. A multi pass (well it was at least two) move sees the ball finally worked out to Paul Chin on the edge of the Facilities area who guides a shot beyond even the enormous frame of Faz and into the corner of the net.


12.45 GOAL The Kickers  1-3 Facilities (Luka): Luka finally turns up and is immediately on the scoresheet after a mesmerising run ends with a rasping pile-driver that leaves “Ned” Kelly wishing he had some of his namesake’s homemade armour on underneath his kit.


12.50 GOAL The Kickers  1-4 Facilities (Luka  – probably): Game over? Probably. Its Luka again (or Matty or someone) who is the latest to make the  net bulge. The Kickers are looking as convincing as a Glasgow Rangers balance sheet at the moment.

 12.52 GOAL The Kickers (Richard Bayliss)  2-4 Facilities: Un-be-lievable!!! The Kickers are back in it with a wondrous strike from the most unlikely of sources. A hopeful looking Gary Moore cross-field punt is met by Richard Bayliss (no really!) who cracks in a sumptuous volley without breaking stride into the bottom corner. Who knew?

12.52 Tweet from Big Al in Health & Safety

“Bayliss might as well not bother turning up again. Nothing he will ever do will top that!”


12.57 GOAL The Kickers  2-5 Facilities (Matty?): That Bayliss stunner has affected the Kickers who are still reeling form the shock of it. Gary Moore’s jaw hasn’t made it off the floor yet and Facilities take advantage of their opponents dazed and confused state to restore their 3 goal cushion.

13.00 GOAL The Kickers (Richard Bayliss)  3-5 Facilities: You couldn’t write this (yes you could – I did – Dickiebliss). It’s that man Bayliss again who is Johnny-on-the-spot to toe poke home from close range with the last kick of the match. Remember Alan Taylor in the 1975 FA Cup final? It was just like that. Quite remarkable.

Full- time The Kickers   3-5 Facilities


1 Comment so far
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I felt privalleged to be on the pitch at the same time as that goal was scored. People will look back at that game and say “where were you the day bayliss hit the perfect pile driver?”

Comment by Big Al




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