Filed under: Getupfront
Anniversaries – we put a lot of stock in them don’t we? Not just birthdays but the marking of those dates that have some sort of special significance to us. Dickiebliss is not immune to such behaviour and can, given the date of a football match from years ago, be able to say what he was doing on that day. So for example, 28th September 1986 Man Utd v Chelsea? He had just started at Sunderland Polytechnic and watched the game in the TV room in halls (and probably pissed off those people watching Eastenders when he changed channel to do so – ah well)
Wondering what happened in that Man Utd v Chelsea game all those years ago? Wonder no more…
And again I hear you ask, what has this got to do with Getupront? Well the team had its own anniversary last week as it was 3 years ago that it came into existence and played it’s very first 5-a-side game. Yes 3 years already and this blogger for one can recall what happened on that historic day. With a certain amount of spooky symmetry their opponents that day were Trotters who were to eventually morph into this weekend’s opponents Unreal Madrid.
And in the Getupfront team that day? Well it was a very different line up to the one turning out today. There was Ricky, Mike, Mike Lines, that other guy….wondered what happened to them all? So no surviving members that still turn out for this grand old team then? Well there is one….player manager Richard Bayliss is the only constant thoughout the years, turning up every week still trying to convince himself he can actually play. And the result of that very first encounter? They lost 24-1! Would history repeat itself on the 3rd anniversary? What do you think?!
Game 1 Getupfront 1-9 Unreal Madrid
With Jay Robson injured due to his sensitive groin, the squad was again stretched to the limit and could only just put out a team of 5. Returning to replace Jay was his cousin Lee who was last seen 2 weeks ago. Luke Ward was unavailable having secured himself some paid employment down the local Golden Arches so his place was again filled by newbie Pete Redford.
Luke Ward enjoys a kick about during his lunchbreak
Expectations for a good result were not high but the boys played a tight game to begin with and with 3 and a half minutes gone, which is a long time in the high-octane world of 5-a-side football, there was no score. Needless to say it didn’t stay like that and just 60 seconds later Getupfront were 0-2 down. “Here we go again” player-manager Bayliss agonised but remarkably his team hit back immediately with Lee hitting a shot into the corner in a rare Getupfront excursion..err …up front.
But this was Unreal Madrid and nothing was going to jolt their supreme confidence. Another 4 goals were quickly bagged to leave Getupfront with a mountain to climb in the 2nd half.
Half time: Getupfront 1-6 Unreal Madrid
The interval brought the usual enquiry and theorising into what was going wrong (again). This week’s theory was that the guys were not coming near enough to each other to receive a pass meaning they were all attempting the fabled “Hollywood ball”*
* Hollywood ball: a spectacular-looking long range pass, but one which rarely achieves what the passer hopes (unless you are Steven Gerrard)…
So short passes was the answer and the boys returned to the court determined to show they could kick a ball accurately to each other from 2 yards away. And you know what, they didn’t do too badly – yes they let another 3 goals in without reply but to only lose the half 0-3 against these opponents seemed like a win (almost).
Full time: Getupfront 1-9 Unreal Madrid
Game 2 Getupfront 0-15 Unreal Madrid
Ah…the second game…yeah there was one but we don’t really need to discuss it do we? We do? No! Please NO! Oh FFS! Alright yes… Getupfront lost 15-0.! Happy now? Yes its the biggest beating they have taken since that very first game 3 years ago. No there weren’t any positives to be taken from the game at all. Have they hit rock bottom? Yes, yes they have. Will they be back next week? You betcha!
How they rated
Stuart Taylor
Goals: N/A
Rating: 6/10
Comment: Couldn’t have done much more despite the score lines. Hopelessly let down by those in front of him. Stu must really love Getupfront to endure this week in week out and to add insult to injury, he had to pay £6 for the privilege of conceding 24 goals in 40 mins of play!
Pete Redford
Goals: 0
Rating: 5/10
Comment: Realised before the kick off that he had yet to score in his previous 4 games. There was little chance of that statistic changing against Unreal Madrid.
Richard Bayliss
Goals: 0
Rating: 4/10
Comment: He must surely now be the worst performing manager of any team in the UK currently – be it professional, semi professional, sunday league, 5-a-side, kick about in the park, subbuteo – there is no end to this man’s appalling inability to get any sort of result out of his team. The sack you say? When he goes to bed at night and hits the sack, he misses.
Tony Ward
Goals: 0
Rating: 5/10
Comment: Tony has the enthusiasm of a 12 year old kid but unfortunately the fitness of a 51 year man (which is understandable being 51 and all) but at times his ball skills looked as awkward as Sam Allardyce being summoned to Wembley by the FA on Tuesday.
Lee
Goals: 1
Rating: 6/10 MOTM
Comment: Scored the crucial goal in the first game to ensure there would be no first ever double shut out in Getupfront history and for that he deserves to be Man of the Match. Could have had another goal but missed a penalty in the second game and for that he deserves to have his Man of the Match award taken off him.
Filed under: Uncategorized
There are some things in football that are just too painful to recollect. For this blogger, the Chelsea 78-79 season is particularly harrowing, for Getupfront stalwart Jay Robson it must be Newcastle’s supposed stroll to the title in 1996 imploding, for all of us there are all those England defeats on penalties (well the England national team full stop actually) and now there is another horror story to add to this dark collection…
Remember this Jay?…..never fails to entertain!
After some last minute negotiations over new recruit Pete’s transfer fee, Getupfront were just able to field a team of 5 for last Sunday’s meeting with perennial adversaries Pearson Park Pork Pies – a bit of a reality check after the previous week’s ample squad of 7. With 2 of the 5 being Tony Ward and player manager Bayliss (combined age 99 lets not forget), it promised to be a long night….
Game 1: Getupfront 1 – 9 Pearson Park Pork Pies
Despite the eventual outcome, it had all started reasonably well. As the 4 and a half minute mark ticked over the scoreboard showed 0-0. The Getupfront defence was tight and working hard to marshall their (much) younger opposition. True, the ball had taken up permanent residence in the Getupfront half and Tony Ward had yet to touch the ball as the lone striker but the scoreboard didn’t lie. This was OK. However, the danger with this “defend, defend and defend some more” plan is that once the gates are breached the game is up. You are forced to go looking for goals , the formation loses it shape, the play is stretched and holes appear. And Pearson Park Pork Pies were more than capable of exploiting said holes. Three goals were conceded in quick succession despite some fantastic saves by Stuart Taylor in the Getupfront goal. What a night for Stu – he turned in one of the all-time great keeping performances and yet by the evening was all played out he had conceded 15 goals. His frustration was palpable.
Half-time: Getupfront 0 – 3 Pearson Park Pork Pies
And yet , as stated by newbie Pete in the break, “that could have been a lot worse”…unfortunately for Pete and his team mates there was no could about it from here on in. Time and again in the 2nd half, Getupfront were cruelly exposed, metaphorically caught with their shorts around their ankles, as the goals flew in. And to add to the shame, they seemed to be conceding the exact same goal over and over. Every time there seemed to be an opposition player totally unmarked and in space with time to pick his spot before scoring. At one point it seemed as if Pearson Park Pork Pies were forming an orderly queue to score.
At the end of the first game, the referee found this near to the Getupfront goal
By the end of game 1, that damned scoreboard was literally mocking Getupfront, blazing the score at them. It was a battering, there were no excuses and no hiding places….and the humiliation was only half way through….
Full-time: Getupfront 1 – 9 Pearson Park Pork Pies
Game 2: Getupfront 0 – 6 Pearson Park Pork Pies
After such a mauling in the first game, what was the Getupfront plan for game 2? From the evidence on court it seemed to be a mixture of “damage limitation and play like we did in game 1”. It was like Groundhog day – the same mistakes made again and again. Passes misplaced, nobody showing for the ball, shoddy marking, poor ball control and zero goal threat. Actually no…there was one massive chance to avoid the ultimate 5-a-side shame of a shut out (i.e. no goals scored). Jay Robson struck the base of the post with a shot that rebounded straight into the path of Bayliss. It was a simple tap-in. The goalkeeper was sprawled on the floor and the net unguarded. Any sort of first time connection would have done the job. But Bayliss was so poor on the night that even this was beyond him. Lacking the confidence to hit the ball first time, he struggled to get it out from under his feet and when he finally did, he swung wildly at the ball sending it careering high and wide of the goal. Truly awful.
Half-time: Getupfront 0 – 3 Pearson Park Pork Pies
With no subs available, the night’s final half was always going to be a hard watch for Getupfront fans (if such a thing exists). Somehow, due to a combination of Taylor;’s outstanding keeping and wasteful opposition shooting, the score stood at 0-6 with 2 minutes left. it was at this point that Jay Robson’s groin gave up the ghost and he had to leave the pitch in agony. The ruling on going down to 4 players is that the front player regulation no longer applies meaning that Getupfront could literally park themselves in their own half. Bayliss, in a rare show of tactics, decided this was the way to go and they played out the rest of the game with no attempt to try and get the ball in the opposition half and thereby inflicting the final and ultimate shame upon themselves by even ridiculing their own team name.
Bayliss isn’t the first manager to adopt a “no forwards” formation. This is the then Scotland manager Craig Levein’s infamous 4-6-0 line-up for a game vs Czech Republic in 2010 – they lost of course.
By the end of the night, Bayliss had led Getupfront to their 17th straight defeat and rock bottom of the league with zero points. If there is a worse record currently in the UK we are yet to hear of it.
Full-time: Getupfront 0 – 6 Pearson Park Pork Pies
How they rated
Stuart Taylor
Goals: N/A
Rating: 8/10 MOTM
Comment: By far the easiest Man of the Match decision this blogger has ever had to make. A blinding show of goalkeeping. The thought of what the scoreboard might have displayed without Taylor in goals is horrific.
Pete
Goals: 0
Rating: 6/10
Comment: Unfair to lambast Pete due to a) being the new boy he is still in his honeymoon period with the (ahem) fans and b) if it wasn’t for Pete’s last minute agreement to play, there wouldn’t have been a game at all….Hang on…if Pete hadn’t played none of this would have happened? It IS all his fault!
Richard Bayliss
Goals: 0
Rating: 4/10
Comment: Useless
Tony Ward
Goals: 0
Rating: 5/10
Comment: A brave attempt to impersonate a footballer that wasn’t quite convincing enough.
Jay Robson
Goals: 1
Rating: 6/10
Comment: Gets a 6 for being the only player able to score a goal over 40 minutes of football and the sympathy vote for his nasty sounding injury. Nobody wants to have to contemplate an inflamed groin do they? Oh sorry! Quick where’s the Brain Bleach?!
Filed under: Uncategorized
New beginnings eh? Don’t you just love them. A time for optimism and renewed hope. A time when the phrase “It’ll be different this time” doesn’t sound hollow. There are of course many examples of new starts throughout popular culture. Take Star Wars for instance, or Star Wars Episode IV – A New Hope to give it its full title, probably the best loved of the saga’s films with its theme of the resurrection of a force for good and the hope of a better future.
Football of course is also a perfect platform for new beginnings. What fan doesn’t get that whiff of excitement come the first day of the new season when a ball has yet to be kicked, destinies are yet to be played out and everyone starts again on the same amount of points (i.e. zero). And what about the buzz you get when your team has made a clutch of new signings just in time for the new season’s opening weekend? Where will they play? How will they play? What chant will they get dedicated to them?
Football history is littered with examples of new teams being built out of the ashes of those who went before. We all know about Fergie and his rebuilding of Man Utd with about 3 different teams. My personal favourite though is when my beloved Chelsea were rebuilt in the Summer of 1983 with 6 new players brought in who led the club to promotion and the 2nd division title.
And what has all this got to do with Getupfront? Well our boys experienced their own new beginning last weekend when their starting five featured not one but TWO brand new recruits to the cause! The “Faithful 5” squad of Taylor, Robson, Bayliss and Luke and Tony Ward had been stretched to breaking point – indeed the team had not played since July due to absences that had decimated the tiny pool of players. There had even been talk of – gulp! – packing it all in!
Only Tony Ward and Richard Bayliss are old enough to remember these guys
Cometh the hour though cometh Pete (Tony Ward’s mate) and Lee (Jay Robson’s cousin), a double act that was only 2 letters away from being a schmaltzy pop duo from the 70s.
Game 1: Getupfront 2-7 FC Tigers
The decision was made to put both newcomers in the starting line-up meaning Tony Ward and Bayliss were left on the sidelines thereby knocking a combined 99 years off the age of the team at one stroke. In an unlikely move, Jay Robson surrendered his normal lone striker role and Getupfront began with Lee as the man up top. The new formation brought immediate dividends with Robson skating through the opposition defence to score the opener and put the boys one up! A new beginning indeed! However, this brave new world soon turned out to be a false dawn as FC Tigers took control of the game and rattled in 3 goals by half time. The only other Getupfront highlight came when Robson tanked a strike right into the ref’s head. Ouch!
Half time: Getupfront 1-3 FC Tigers
The 2nd half didn’t bring a reverse in the fortunes for our heroes. Despite no lack of effort the boys were unable to prevent 4 more goals being shipped with only a solitary strike by the ever industrious Luke Ward in reply.
Jim Royle gives his verdict on Getupfront
A new beginning my arse!
Full time: Getupfront 2-7 FC Tigers
Game 2: Getupfront 4-6 FC Tigers
The break between games brought the usual discussion about what was going wrong – this week’s theory was that the boys were not pressing the opposition enough. So with renewed intention to “press” more than Johnsons Dry Cleaners on Clough Road or at least as much as Liverpool under Jurgen Klopp, Getupfront went to battle again.
The pressing thing seemed to be working as the match ebbed and flowed but crucially with our heroes staying in the game. A well taken debut goal from Lee and another smart finish from Luke Ward meant that half time came with only one goal in it.
Half time: Getupfront 2-3 FC Tigers
The night’s final half saw that new beginning feeling on the rise again as Getupfront equalised and then took the lead within a 2 minute period. First, Richard Bayliss, inspired by reading his 80s hero Kerry Dixon’s autobiography in the week, found a clever reverse shot into the corner after being set up by Luke Ward and then Jay Robson fired in a fierce pile-driver after being set up by a quickly taken free kick by Bayliss. GET IN!
At this point player – manager Bayliss, believing his work was done, subbed himself for the night and was not on court to see his dreams of a long awaited victory disappear under a weight of attacks from FC Tigers that turned the match on its head. Three goals without reply meant Bayliss* and Getupfront had to experience that sinking feeling yet again.
Full time: Getupfront 4-6 FC Tigers
*To be fair to Bayliss, this management lark and the whole process of picking players isn’t that easy. Even the greats get it wrong sometimes…
How they rated
Stuart Taylor
Goals: N/A
Rating: 7/10
Comment: A new beginning for his team but Stu remains as solid as ever even pulling off a penalty save in the 2nd game. Players may come and go but Taylor really is irreplaceable.
Pete
Goals: 0
Rating: 7/10
Comment: Looked to be a decent player. Never tried to hide, comfortable in possession and delivered a few killer passes. Unfortunately his performance was somewhat curtailed by being hit by the ball right in his nads early on! Welcome to the team Pete!
Richard Bayliss
Goals: 1
Rating: 7/10
Comment: No 5 goal heroics this time but you know what – he wasn’t half bad again. Well – he wasn’t useless which in the case of the player- manager is definite progress. Even managed to squeeze himself onto the score sheet once more.
Tony Ward
Goals: 0
Rating: 6/10
Comment: Poor old Tone didn’t really do himself justice as he was coming back from not one but two injuries ( probably a week or two too early ). Only managed intermittent game time and nothing at all in the final half of the 2nd game. He will come back stronger and remains the only Getupfront player ever to pick up an injury whilst doing nothing on holiday.
Luke Ward
Goals: 2
Rating: 8/10 MOTM
Comment: Its about time Ward the younger got proper recognition for what he does in the team. Ran his socks of and took his goals well. Take a bow Luke.
Jay Robson
Goals: 2
Rating: 7/10
Comment: Pretty good stuff from Robson despite operating from a much deeper position than normal. Could it be that Jay is going down the Wayne Rooney route of switching from striker to midfield as the years catch up with him? Exactly how old are you anyway Jay?
Lee
Goals: 1
Rating: 7/10
Comment: Promising performance. Played the whole game up top and was rewarded for his endeavours with a debut goal. Could Lee be another goal threat to take the weight of responsibility from Robson?
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