Dickiebliss’s Blog

Getupfront vs Unreal Madrid 25th Sep 2016
September 29, 2016, 8:37 pm
Filed under: Getupfront

Anniversaries – we put a lot of stock in them don’t we? Not just birthdays but the marking of those dates that have some sort of special significance to us. Dickiebliss is not immune to such behaviour and can,  given the date of a football match from years ago, be able to say what he was doing on that day. So for example, 28th September 1986 Man Utd v Chelsea? He had just started at Sunderland Polytechnic and watched the game in the TV room in halls (and probably pissed off those people watching Eastenders when he changed channel to do so – ah well)

Wondering what happened in that Man Utd v Chelsea game all those years ago? Wonder no more…

And again I hear you ask, what has this got to do with Getupront? Well the team had its own anniversary last week as it was 3 years ago that it came into existence and played it’s very first 5-a-side game. Yes 3 years already and this blogger for one can recall what happened on that historic day. With a certain amount of spooky symmetry their opponents that day were Trotters who were to eventually morph into this weekend’s opponents Unreal Madrid.

And in the Getupfront team that day? Well it was a very different line up to the one turning out today. There was Ricky, Mike, Mike Lines, that other guy….wondered what happened to them all? So no surviving members that still turn out for this grand old team then? Well there is one….player manager Richard Bayliss is the only constant thoughout the years, turning up every week     still trying to convince himself he can actually play. And the result of that very first encounter? They lost 24-1! Would history  repeat itself on the 3rd anniversary? What do you think?!

Game 1 Getupfront 1-9 Unreal Madrid

With Jay Robson injured due to his sensitive groin, the squad was again stretched to the limit and could only just put out a team of 5. Returning to replace Jay was his cousin Lee who was last seen 2 weeks ago. Luke Ward was unavailable having secured himself some paid employment down the local Golden Arches so his place was again filled by newbie Pete Redford.


Luke Ward enjoys a kick about during his lunchbreak

Expectations for a good result were not high but the boys played a tight game to begin with and with 3 and a half minutes gone, which is a long time in the high-octane world of 5-a-side football, there was no score. Needless to say it didn’t stay like that and just 60 seconds later Getupfront were 0-2 down. “Here we go again” player-manager Bayliss agonised but remarkably his team hit back immediately with Lee hitting a shot into the corner in a rare Getupfront excursion..err …up front.

But this was Unreal Madrid and nothing was going to jolt their supreme confidence. Another 4 goals were quickly bagged to leave Getupfront with a mountain to climb in the 2nd half.

Half time: Getupfront 1-6 Unreal Madrid

The interval brought the usual enquiry and theorising into what was going wrong (again). This week’s theory was that the guys were not coming near enough to each other to receive a pass meaning they were all attempting the fabled “Hollywood ball”*

Hollywood ball: a spectacular-looking long range pass, but one which rarely achieves what the passer hopes (unless you are Steven Gerrard)…

So short passes was the answer and the boys returned to the court determined to show they could kick a ball accurately to each other from 2 yards away. And you know what, they didn’t do too badly – yes they let another 3 goals in without reply but to only lose the half 0-3 against these opponents seemed like a win (almost).

Full time: Getupfront 1-9 Unreal Madrid

Game 2 Getupfront 0-15 Unreal Madrid

Ah…the second game…yeah there was one but we don’t really need to discuss it do we? We do? No! Please NO! Oh FFS! Alright yes… Getupfront lost 15-0.! Happy now? Yes its the biggest beating they have taken since that very first game 3 years ago. No there weren’t any positives to be taken from the game at all. Have they hit rock bottom? Yes, yes they have. Will they be back next week? You betcha!

How they rated

Stuart Taylor

Goals: N/A

Rating: 6/10

Comment: Couldn’t have done much more despite the score lines. Hopelessly let down by those in front of him. Stu must really love Getupfront to endure this  week in week out and to add insult to injury, he had to pay £6 for the privilege of conceding 24 goals in 40 mins of play!


Pete Redford

Goals: 0

Rating: 5/10

Comment: Realised before the kick off that he had yet to score in his previous 4 games. There was little chance of that statistic changing against Unreal Madrid.


Richard Bayliss

Goals: 0

Rating: 4/10 

Comment: He must surely now be the worst performing manager of any team in the UK currently – be it professional, semi professional, sunday league, 5-a-side, kick about in the park, subbuteo – there is no end to this man’s appalling inability to get any sort of result out of his team. The sack you say? When he goes to bed at night and hits the sack, he misses.


Tony Ward

Goals: 0

Rating: 5/10

Comment: Tony has the enthusiasm of a 12 year old kid but unfortunately the fitness of a 51 year man (which is understandable being 51 and all) but at times his ball skills looked as awkward as Sam Allardyce being summoned to Wembley by the FA on Tuesday.



Goals: 1

Rating: 6/10 MOTM

Comment: Scored the crucial goal in the first game to ensure there would be no first ever double shut out in Getupfront history and for that he deserves to be Man of the Match. Could have had another goal but missed a penalty in the second game and for that he deserves to have his Man of the Match award taken off him.

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