Dickiebliss’s Blog

After returning to action the previous Sunday after weeks of inactivity, the Getupfront boys somehow managed to get a team out for the 2nd week running with perennial foes Pearson Park Pork Pies the opponents. Yet again it was touch and go whether the game would take place when Mike Ewen dropped out. Not having been able to get out of bed since Thursday morning after witnessing his beloved Liverpool’s laughable capitulation the previous evening in the Europa League final, Mike was still too depressed to play.

Fortunately the rest of the lads were made of sterner stuff (i.e. none of them are Liverpool fans) and it was a five fold force that took to the court including keeper Stuart Taylor who played despite it actually being his birthday (feel the shame Mike Ewen!).

Mike’s absence meant there was no sub for the night which was bad news for old timers Tony Ward and player manager Richard Bayliss who faced the prospect of 40 mins of wheezing, hyperventilating and near cardiac arrest.

Bayliss and Ward deciding whose turn it is to play up front.

The one up front at all times rule at least afforded them the chance to grab a few precious seconds respite although the sight of two middle aged men squabbling about whose turn it was to be the lone striker was truly pathetic.

Game 1: Getupfront 2-8 Pearson Park Pork Pies

The Pork Pies are a much younger bunch of guys and it wasn’t long before their youthful legs forged a 2 goal lead. Getupfront were adopting the currently popular Leicester City style of play by surrendering possession of the ball to the opposition and then trying to hit them on the break. Amazingly this tactic actually worked towards the end of the first half when Jay Robson skittered across the court surface on a helter-skelter of a crazy run after being released by Luke Ward when a PorkPies attack broke down.

Talking of balls being attached to you, hands up if you had one of these back in the day?…. Just me then.

With the ball seemingly surgically attached to him, Jay produced a clipped finish to send  the boys into the break with a foothold back in the match.

Half time: Getupfront 1-2 Pearson Park Pork Pies

As regular followers of the fortunes of Getupfront will know, there is normally one half during the course of the 2 games played on a Sunday evening where it all goes tits up for the boys. This week it was the 2nd half of game 1. A 6 goal salvo by the Pork Pies without reply had keeper Stuart Taylor reflecting on where his life had gone wrong if this was the best activity he could find to do on his birthday. In a footnote to the game, Richard Bayliss maintained his Fernando Torresesque record of scoring completely pointless goals when he converted after being set up by Jay Robson.

The Bayliss goal may have been ultimately meaningless but it has nothing on this…the most pointless goal ever…

Full time: Getupfront 2-8 Pearson Park Pork Pies

Game 2: Getupfront 3-4 Pearson Park Pork Pies

It was a suitably chastened Getupfront who took to the court for the night’s 2nd game. However, having flushed their weekly turd of a half out of their systems already, the boys were ready to go again. Tony Ward started upfront after pulling rank (not to mention his groin) on fellow fitness struggler Bayliss and it was Tony who got with the Leicester City plan again when he notched a brilliant solo goal on the break to give the boys the lead for the first time in the evening. It was a goal Jamie Vardy would have been proud of and was not to be the last time that evening that we would be reminded of  England’s goal hope for the Euros…..

Two quick Pork Pies goals meant he lead would not last until half time. Yet it could have been so different had a Jay Robson bullet found the back of the net and not the face of the opposition goalkeeper just before the break. Where’s Jamie Vardy when you need him…

Oh he’s here…go to 4:25 to see a great assist from the goalkeeper’s face for Vardy’s goal.

Half time: Getupfront 1-2 Pearson Park Pork Pies

The final half was perhaps the best of the night for our heroes.  Luke Ward found an equaliser with an unusual goal when he initially claimed hand ball against a Pork Pies defender. When it wasn’t given and with the opposition player claiming his innocence, Luke decided to just play on and rattled in a superb shot.

Luke’s “distract the opposition by claiming handball and then play on” trick was good but not a patch on the master Brian Bason. Who? Go to 1:41 and see the greatest goal through deception ever…

However it couldn’t last and the tired Getupfront defence was beaten twice more before Jay Robson prodded home after Bayliss had fluffed an easier chance to ensure that they at least secured a battling draw for the final half of the evening even if the war was ultimately lost.

Full time: Getupfront 3-4 Pearson Park Pork Pies

How they rated

Stuart Taylor (GK)

It wasn’t exactly a party for birthday boy Stu, with 12 goals getting past him but if his birthday cake had a candle on it for every great save Stu has ever made the cake would have to be as big as Jamie Vardy’s ego. 8/10

If he was a Leicester City player he would be: Kasper Schmeichel – obviously although Stu has never ever been in anyone’s shadow unlike Kasper.

Richard Bayliss (Player Manager)

Standard stuff from Bayliss again this week – a few blocks, a few knocks and his usual smart red socks. 6/10

If he was a Leicester City player he would be: Robert Huth – big lump of a player that nobody can quite work out how he got to be a footballer.

Tony Ward

A fine goal and somehow not needing to be treated for severe exhaustion were Tony’s rewards for his endeavours this time around. 7/10

If he was a Leicester City player he would be: Leonardo Ulloa – reserve striker who warmed the bench for most of the season but never let anyone down when he was called on to fill in for Vardy.

Luke Ward

A cheeky goal and some hard running were Luke’s main contributions this week.  7/10

If he was a Leicester City player he would be: Marc Albrighton – unsung hero of the team. Always diligent, tremendous work rate, yet somehow always overshadowed by his Dad’s slapstick comedic performances as he masquerades as a footballer.  Actually maybe Luke is more like Kasper Schmeichel come to think of it…

Jay Robson

The main goal threat yet again. Jay even relinquished his lone striker role to give Ward and Bayliss a breather and for that Jay you are this week’s…MOTM 9/10

If he was a Leicester City player he would be: Jamie Vardy – Jay plays with that single mindedness that Vardy does, once he sets his sights on goal he’s off at a pace and nothing will get in his way! Except being hungover from his stag do the other week. Where’s Danny Drinkwater to act as chaperone when you need him?

Now then what’s this? Getupfront actually playing a game of football? Having played just once in the last 2 months, the boys were finally back in action. So long had it been since an appearance at the Pro Soccer centre that you would have forgiven the staff there for copying the Chelsea fans that chanted “We forgot that you were here!” when Pato finally made his debut for the Blues.

Talking of debuts, last time out Aaron Barwick  made his for Getupfront but in the intervening weeks, Mr Angry had already announced his retirement no doubt apoplectic with rage that he had been asked to play on a day with a “y” in it.

Game 1: Getupfront 4-3 KVFC

With player manager Bayliss delayed by a temperamental PDQ machine at Reception, the game kicked off with Tony Ward fulfilling the “old giffer” role for the boys. Opponents KVFC have a good record against our lads including a 14-8 cup semi final win back in Jan. However, revenge seemed an unlikely prospect in game 1 as KVFC took an early  2-0 lead.

Even angrier than Jay was this Sunderland fan who has just woken up after a night on the lash and seen the tattoo his mates had done for him whist he was out for the count.

Despite being without Angry Aaron, Getupfront did have another player incandescent with rage in Jay Robson who was decidedly miffed about his beloved Newcastle Utd having been relegated in the week and was running around furiously up top. Powered by his seething sense of injustice, Jay singlehandedly showed those namby pamby millionaire playboy wasters at St James Park how to do it when he skewered an excellent solo goal.

Half time: Getupfront 1 – 2 KVFC

With Stu Taylor pulling off save after spectacular save, Getupfront were level in the 2nd half when Jay “man possessed” Robson struck again after some good support play from genial scouser Mike Ewen. But then…a personal disaster for young Luke Ward when he inadvertently deflected a KVFC shot past keeper Taylor to register an own goal. Gulp! Undeterred  and without needing a reassuring hug from his Dad Tony, Luke dusted himself down and was soon back in the action playing in Jay Robson to round the keeper and strike a second equaliser.

No its not Tony Ward commiserating with son Luke, its Eidur Gudjohnsen replacing his Dad Aarnor for Iceland!

As the timer counted down the last few seconds, pandemonium broke out on the court as Ewen found himself on the corner of the area with time to line up a shot. Only Mike will know if he meant what transpired but instead of hitting the back of the net his effort found Jay Robson for a simple tap in. BOOM! The timer showed 0:00 and KVFC appealed that Robson was in the orange box when he applied the crucial touch and the goal should not have stood but it mattered not a jot. The ref indicated a GOAL! and Getupfront had a precious victory.

Full time: Getupfront 4 – 3 KVFC

Game 2: Getupfront 3-10 KVFC

Ah… the 2nd game…what about the 2nd game you say? Was there a 2nd game this week?Nah don’t think there was…..*everyone involved in the 2nd game gets off sharpish*

How they rated

Stuart Taylor (GK)

The supreme custodian of the nets, Stu was his usual committed self with plenty of “FFS”s every time a shot did get past him. Unlike John McEnroe I don’t think he was taking to himself though!

Richard Bayliss (Player Manager)

Played his usual game…meaning he hung around the back keeping himself to himself and occasionally got in the opposition’s way. Oh wait…wait… there was one other thing…he somehow managed to be the only player other than Jay Robson to score when he turned home the last Getupfront goal of the night in the 2nd game from point blank range. 7/10

Tony Ward

He turned up, he man-marked furiously, he went home. 7/10

Luke Ward

Not Luke’s best night with his only goal being that of the “own” variety but as ever he was combative and full of purpose when in possession of the ball. Can someone remember to point him the right direction next week though.7/10

Mike Ewen

Mike assured Dickiebliss in the car on the way home that he made at least two (count ’em) assists during the course of the night. Two assists…hmm…whats the going rate for an assist these days? *sound of the Dickiebliss 5-a-side bible being thumbed* OK – for that Mike you can have …8/10

Jay Robson

Someone should wind Jay up every week if this is how he performs when he’s angry. He’s like a footballing Hulk… the opposition don’t like him when he’s angry 9/10 MOTM