Dickiebliss’s Blog

May 30, 2016, 7:37 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

After returning to action the previous Sunday after weeks of inactivity, the Getupfront boys somehow managed to get a team out for the 2nd week running with perennial foes Pearson Park Pork Pies the opponents. Yet again it was touch and go whether the game would take place when Mike Ewen dropped out. Not having been able to get out of bed since Thursday morning after witnessing his beloved Liverpool’s laughable capitulation the previous evening in the Europa League final, Mike was still too depressed to play.

Fortunately the rest of the lads were made of sterner stuff (i.e. none of them are Liverpool fans) and it was a five fold force that took to the court including keeper Stuart Taylor who played despite it actually being his birthday (feel the shame Mike Ewen!).

Mike’s absence meant there was no sub for the night which was bad news for old timers Tony Ward and player manager Richard Bayliss who faced the prospect of 40 mins of wheezing, hyperventilating and near cardiac arrest.


Bayliss and Ward deciding whose turn it is to play up front.

The one up front at all times rule at least afforded them the chance to grab a few precious seconds respite although the sight of two middle aged men squabbling about whose turn it was to be the lone striker was truly pathetic.

Game 1: Getupfront 2-8 Pearson Park Pork Pies

The Pork Pies are a much younger bunch of guys and it wasn’t long before their youthful legs forged a 2 goal lead. Getupfront were adopting the currently popular Leicester City style of play by surrendering possession of the ball to the opposition and then trying to hit them on the break. Amazingly this tactic actually worked towards the end of the first half when Jay Robson skittered across the court surface on a helter-skelter of a crazy run after being released by Luke Ward when a PorkPies attack broke down.


Talking of balls being attached to you, hands up if you had one of these back in the day?…. Just me then.

With the ball seemingly surgically attached to him, Jay produced a clipped finish to send  the boys into the break with a foothold back in the match.

Half time: Getupfront 1-2 Pearson Park Pork Pies

As regular followers of the fortunes of Getupfront will know, there is normally one half during the course of the 2 games played on a Sunday evening where it all goes tits up for the boys. This week it was the 2nd half of game 1. A 6 goal salvo by the Pork Pies without reply had keeper Stuart Taylor reflecting on where his life had gone wrong if this was the best activity he could find to do on his birthday. In a footnote to the game, Richard Bayliss maintained his Fernando Torresesque record of scoring completely pointless goals when he converted after being set up by Jay Robson.

The Bayliss goal may have been ultimately meaningless but it has nothing on this…the most pointless goal ever…


Full time: Getupfront 2-8 Pearson Park Pork Pies

Game 2: Getupfront 3-4 Pearson Park Pork Pies

It was a suitably chastened Getupfront who took to the court for the night’s 2nd game. However, having flushed their weekly turd of a half out of their systems already, the boys were ready to go again. Tony Ward started upfront after pulling rank (not to mention his groin) on fellow fitness struggler Bayliss and it was Tony who got with the Leicester City plan again when he notched a brilliant solo goal on the break to give the boys the lead for the first time in the evening. It was a goal Jamie Vardy would have been proud of and was not to be the last time that evening that we would be reminded of  England’s goal hope for the Euros…..

Two quick Pork Pies goals meant he lead would not last until half time. Yet it could have been so different had a Jay Robson bullet found the back of the net and not the face of the opposition goalkeeper just before the break. Where’s Jamie Vardy when you need him…

Oh he’s here…go to 4:25 to see a great assist from the goalkeeper’s face for Vardy’s goal.

Half time: Getupfront 1-2 Pearson Park Pork Pies

The final half was perhaps the best of the night for our heroes.  Luke Ward found an equaliser with an unusual goal when he initially claimed hand ball against a Pork Pies defender. When it wasn’t given and with the opposition player claiming his innocence, Luke decided to just play on and rattled in a superb shot.

Luke’s “distract the opposition by claiming handball and then play on” trick was good but not a patch on the master Brian Bason. Who? Go to 1:41 and see the greatest goal through deception ever…

However it couldn’t last and the tired Getupfront defence was beaten twice more before Jay Robson prodded home after Bayliss had fluffed an easier chance to ensure that they at least secured a battling draw for the final half of the evening even if the war was ultimately lost.

Full time: Getupfront 3-4 Pearson Park Pork Pies


How they rated

Stuart Taylor (GK)

It wasn’t exactly a party for birthday boy Stu, with 12 goals getting past him but if his birthday cake had a candle on it for every great save Stu has ever made the cake would have to be as big as Jamie Vardy’s ego. 8/10

If he was a Leicester City player he would be: Kasper Schmeichel – obviously although Stu has never ever been in anyone’s shadow unlike Kasper.

Richard Bayliss (Player Manager)

Standard stuff from Bayliss again this week – a few blocks, a few knocks and his usual smart red socks. 6/10

If he was a Leicester City player he would be: Robert Huth – big lump of a player that nobody can quite work out how he got to be a footballer.

Tony Ward

A fine goal and somehow not needing to be treated for severe exhaustion were Tony’s rewards for his endeavours this time around. 7/10

If he was a Leicester City player he would be: Leonardo Ulloa – reserve striker who warmed the bench for most of the season but never let anyone down when he was called on to fill in for Vardy.

Luke Ward

A cheeky goal and some hard running were Luke’s main contributions this week.  7/10

If he was a Leicester City player he would be: Marc Albrighton – unsung hero of the team. Always diligent, tremendous work rate, yet somehow always overshadowed by his Dad’s slapstick comedic performances as he masquerades as a footballer.  Actually maybe Luke is more like Kasper Schmeichel come to think of it…

Jay Robson

The main goal threat yet again. Jay even relinquished his lone striker role to give Ward and Bayliss a breather and for that Jay you are this week’s…MOTM 9/10

If he was a Leicester City player he would be: Jamie Vardy – Jay plays with that single mindedness that Vardy does, once he sets his sights on goal he’s off at a pace and nothing will get in his way! Except being hungover from his stag do the other week. Where’s Danny Drinkwater to act as chaperone when you need him?




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