Dickiebliss’s Blog

Getupfront vs FC Tigers 2nd Oct 2016
October 22, 2016, 4:05 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Chronicling the fortunes of Getupfront is becoming a very depressing job for this blogger. Every week it’s yet another tale of woe, another episode of ineptitude, a saga of footballing farce. england1When will it ever end? When will the story have a different ending?

Well certainly not this time. Those of you who love a routine will be comforted to know that this match report has all the usual ingredients…Two  defeats? Check! Masses of goals conceded? Check! Shocking lack of any football know how whatsoever? Check! It’s all here and more…

The cast of characters? The usual suspects…Bayliss, Tony Ward, Pete “new boy” Redford….the only change was the return of Jay Robson from injury after missing the previous week’s slaughter meaning a squad of 6 and guaranteeing a substitute for once.

Game 1 Getupfront 1 – 12 FC Tigers

As with every other week the night started off with some form of resistance on display from the boys and with 6 minutes of the 1st half played the score was only 0-2. The 6 minute mark was enough for Bayliss’ legs to start screaming for respite and so the player manager subbed himself for Tony Ward, comfortable in the knowledge that he had played his part in a respectable showing so far.

The 4 minutes that followed up to half time played out like a horror show in front of his eyes as he stood helpless on the sidelines. Not since his playing days as a child with the Cubs had Bayliss been associated with such a sporting shambles (on his debut for the Cubs aged 9 and a half, he’d been part of a team that lost 26-1! Ouch!)

Getupfront literally self imploded – 5 more goals were conceded in those 4 minutes that felt like 4 lifetimes to Bayliss and his team mates. The catastrophic errors being made gifting goals to the opposition were criminal. Keeper Stu Taylor was apoplectic with frustration and rage. As the half time klaxon sounded, for the first time ever in his Getupfront career, Bayliss really didn’t feel like coming back onto court for the next half.

France v England: U21 International Friendly

“Don’t worry Harry, I was shit when I played for England too”

This was more depressing than realising that not only was Gareth Southgate the best choice for caretaker England manager, he was actually the best choice for the permanent job.

Half time: Getupfront 0 – 7 FC Tigers

Inevitably in the second half FC Tigers got bored and just started toying with their prey, knocking the ball about from side to side as the Getupfront boys manically scuttled across court chasing shadows like demented crabs.

Actually, that’s unfair to crabs – check out the back heels on this guy!

When they could be bothered to, Tigers would pop the ball in Taylor’s net and only a solitary strike from Jay Robson avoided the dreaded “brush” for the second game on the trot after losing 0-15 to Unreal Madrid the previous week. At full time Getupfront looked more lost and bewildered than Wayne Rooney finding himself playing centre forward once more.

Full time: Getupfront 1 – 12 FC Tigers

Game 2 Getupfront 4 – 12 FC Tigers

Things couldn’t get any worse could they? Well statistically I suppose they didn’t – yes the boys were beaten out of sight again, yes they conceded 12 goals again, yes they were awful again but they did at least score a whole 4 goals and in the world of Getupfront, that’s progress. Indeed at one point they were actually level in the 2nd game and not just by default at 0-0 one second after kick off! Despite going 0-2 down early on, goals from Jay Robson and cousin Lee (the latter actually being a well worked move) meant that the score was astonishingly 2-2!

If only that blasted full time klaxon could have sounded there and then. Of course there was still plenty of time left for FC Tigers to rattle in five goals without further reply before half time. And yet this wasn’t even the worse thing to befall Getupfront before the interval, as Jay “sick note” Robson succumbed to yet another injury after he was savagely hacked down whilst attempting one of his daring length of the pitch dribbles.


Jay Robson feels the pain vs FC Tigers

Unable to carry on Robson would not be seen again for the rest of the evening. Outraged at the treatment being handed out to his team mate, player-manager Bayliss confronted the perpetrator of the foul declaring “Look mate, you’re going to beat us whatever so cut out the rough stuff eh?”. Hmm…maybe not the encouragement and belief in them that his team will have been looking for from their leader.

Half time: Getupfront 2 – 7 FC Tigers

The final half turned out to be Getupfront’s best of the night losing only 2-5 over the 10 minutes of play. This was mainly due to the goal power of Lee who completed a hat-trick for the evening including a lovely volleyed finish from a Pete Redford set up. Although you couldn’t say that it brought respectability to the scoreline, it at least made sure that it wasn’t indecent.

Full time: Getupfront 4 – 12 FC Tigers

How they rated

Stuart Taylor

Goals: N/A

Rating: 7/10

Comment: Has a goalkeeper ever performed so outstandingly and yet been beaten so many times? Week after week Taylor is the difference between Getupfront being soundly beaten  and being totally and utterly blown away. Couldn’t give any more. MOTM

Pete Redford

Goals: 0

Rating: 5/10

Comment: Still waiting to break his goal duck but showed some nice touches. Unfortunately though for Getupfront not enough of them.

Richard Bayliss

Goals: 0

Rating: 5/10 

Comment: Every week Bayliss gets rinsed in this blog and mostly its well deserved. To be fair to him this week though, he wasn’t awful (he wasn’t great either) but he wasn’t awful. Ran, harried, won a few tackles, completed a few passes – but nothing that was ever going to influence the game in any meaningful way. So a bit like Wayne Rooney then!

Tony Ward

Goals: 0

Rating: 4/10

Comment: A dreadful night for Tony – he was sacked in possession of the ball over and over again – in fact he was sacked more times than a Leeds Utd manager. You could never doubt Tony’s heart or passion but oh dear….


Goals: 3

Rating: 6/10 

Comment: A couple of quality finishes were the highlights of Lee’s night. Lee is a keen angler but too often failed land the nibbles he got in front of goal. Solid if unspectacular.

Jay Robson

Goals: 2

Rating: 6/10 

Comment: Claimed a brace but his evening was ruined by another bad injury which forced him to retire early. With the injuries now piling up for Robson, have we seen the last of this Getupfront great?

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