Dickiebliss’s Blog

Getupfront v FC Tigers 24th July 2016
July 31, 2016, 1:33 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Dear reader let me tell you a tale, a tale so fantastical as to be preposterous, so far-fetched that even in this barmy year of 2016 when seemingly anything might and will happen, this just couldn’t.


Bah! This guy has nothing on Bayliss

Forget, Jamie Vardy, forget the whole of Leicester City even, move over Roy of the Rovers – you are all officially redundant in the “it can’t be true” stakes for this, my friends, is the story of how Richard Bayliss scored FIVE goals in one night in the Sunday 5-a-side league!

No wait…come back! It’s true I swear. There were witnesses! This is not a drill!

So how could this have happened you ask? This blogger can offer no logical reason except that maybe, just maybe, every deluded fool who thinks he can play football despite having no evidence of his ability to do so, gets one day in a lifetime where the stars align and everything they try just comes off. This was that day for Richard Bayliss.

There was no hint of the bizarre events to come as Sunday dawned. Indeed at one stage Getupfront did not have enough players to form a team. Only a last ditch text to Aaron Barwick who had routinely refused to pay for the lads since his one off appearance weeks ago meant that this monumental day could be played out. Finally, Aaron had run out of excuses why he couldn’t play and so it was a small but intrepid team of 5 that arrived at the Pro Soccer centre to play long standing rivals FC Tigers.

Game 1: Getupfront 5-6 FC Tigers

Early doors there was no indication of the legendary events to come as the boys were soon 2-0 down as is their customary way. As half time approached though Aaron Barwick swung his leg at a loose ball and managed to guide it beyond the Tigers keeper and into the corner. At least Getupfront had avoided the 5-a-side nadir of a shut out and had registered on the scoreboard. And then seconds before the break, the first chapter of this fairy tale was written. Keeper Stu Taylor lofted a clearance upfield where Richard Bayliss, stranded in the opposition half by his lack of fitness, was loitering. No danger there then thought the opposition. Job done. Half time lead and a swig of water here we come. Except…somehow Bayliss had managed to track the trajectory of Taylor’s clearance and had got his head to it. As it spun off the Bayliss bonce, the Tigers keeper looked behind him in despair as it landed in the net. Well well….an equaliser and from the unlikeliest source. But this was just the start…

Half time: Getupfront 2-2 FC Tigers

Inspired by his late goal, Bayliss decided to stay upfront despite the more obvious claims of 18 year old Luke Ward. With Aaron Barwick doing a great job of pulling the strings in the middle of the court, cajoling and encouraging his team mates to ever greater deeds and Taylor ever reliable between the sticks, this was not turning into the rout that had been feared.

The action was frenetic with FC Tigers forging a 3-2 lead early on in the 2nd half. Normally this would have been the cue for a Getupfront collapse but this was no ordinary day. Barwick strode upfield and passed to Bayliss on the wide right. The player-manager looked up and side-footed a precise low drive from a tight angle across the Tigers keeper and into the net via the foot of the far post. Wow! That was actually a very tidy finish and a 2nd goal of the night for Bayliss!


Have you ever seen a man look so pleased with himself ?

However, the lead wasn’t to last long as FC Tigers cored again to go ahead for a 3rd time soon after. Ah well, it was good while it lasted the boys might have been forgiven for thinking but no….at this point the story went from unlikely to surely not? Luke Ward hoisted a ball hopefully up field and there again was Bayliss underneath it. With a flick of his neck muscles he looped the ball up and over the advancing Tigers keeper and it floated into the unguarded net. Oh..my…God…a Bayliss hat-trick and another headed goal. And the goal was good – even the opposition applauded it’s execution. What on Earth was going on?


But still the story was not yet fully told. Luke Ward found found himself blocked off on the right hand side of the Tigers goal and so used the boards to play a rebound hoping it would fall to a team mate. This play is used all the time in 5-a-side but rarely comes off. It’s like corners in 11-a-side – if you check the stats corners rarely lead to goals being scored which undermines the value so many of us, fans and commentators, put on them.


Corners rarely lead to goals eh? Never get tired of seeing this one…

But this was no ordinary night, this was the night when legends were made so of course on this occasion it fell to none other than Bayliss to prod home for his 4th of the night and to put his team 5-4 up!


Bayliss cannot believe it and has to count his goals on his fingers so many has he scored

The game had now entered the realms of pure fantasy but there was to be no fairy tale ending for Getupfront. A scrappy equaliser for FC Tigers  was forced home and then with literally 15 seconds left, their lanky forward, enraged by having what he thought was a good goal chalked off earlier as the ref couldn’t determine if his shot had crossed the line or not, grabbed the ball, out ran the Getupfront defence and steam-hammered a drive into the top corner. Heartbreak!


So game 1 was lost but Bayliss had scored 4 goals and that was the real story.

Full time: Getupfront 5-6 FC Tigers

Game 2: Getupfront 2-3 FC Tigers

After all that drama, the second game seemed rather an afterthought but played it had to be. Aaron Barwick rallied the troops once more exhorting them to “stick to the plan – it’s  working”. There was a plan? Yes there was and it was this – give the ball to Bayliss and he will score. You have no idea how weird it feels to type those words!

The second game was a much tighter affair with a stale mate breaking out for the first 6 minutes of the 1st half. Then Taylor was finally beaten and yet again it seemed that Getupfront may crumble. But cometh the hour, cometh the man and that man – for once in his life – was Bayliss. Luke Ward broke down the right hand side and swung a delicious ball into the middle where Bayliss was lurking. He followed the flight of the ball and manoeuvred himself into position before extending a telescopic limb Peter Crouch style to prod the ball the other side of the Tigers keeper. GOAL! GOAL! GOAL! This was unreal. Bayliss had now scored 5 goals on the trot for his team. 5 goals I tell you!

His 5 goal haul puts Bayliss on a par with Robert Lewandowski (ahem)…

Half time: Getupfront 1-1 FC Tigers

FC Tigers were now clearly rattled – this was supposed to be an easy game, a gimme but it was turning out to be anything but. And it suddenly got worse for them as they conceded a free kick on the edge of their area. Whilst they disputed its  validity with the ref, a quick thinking Luke Ward slipped the ball sideways to his Dad Tony who was Johnny-on-the-spot to turn home into an unguarded net. The boys were 2-1 up!

In a frenzied final 5 minutes however, the game turned once more. FC Tigers scored a well worked equaliser and with time running out, scrambled a mis-hit cross shot into the net. Disaster! There was still time for one final act of drama as Tigers had a man sent off for trying to waste time by kicking the ball away in the dying seconds but there was to be no salvation for the boys and the game ended in another defeat.

Full time: Getupfront 2-3 FC Tigers

How they rated

Stuart Taylor

Goals: N/A

Rating: 8/10

Comment: Some great shot-stopping as ever from Stu who once again brought gasps of awe and frustration from the opposition but even he couldn’t topple the night’s truly outstanding individual performer.


Aaron Barwick

Goals: 1

Rating: 8/10

Comment: A commanding performance from Barwick who played as if he was a seasoned regular rather than the once-in-a blue-moon appearance maker he actually is. Talked a good game with his constant encouraging but backed it up with some solid play as well. If only he could be persuaded to play every week.


Richard Bayliss

Goals: 5

Rating: 9/10 MOTM

Comment: Just unreal! Everything he touched turned to goal. No doubt next game he will be back to his useless plodding self but for one night only (Matthew), Richard Bayliss was sensationally Man of the Match!


Tony Ward

Goals: 1

Rating: 7/10

Comment: Steady and determined effort from Tony whose highlight this week was his quick thinking goal in the 2nd match which looked like being the winner until the final gut wrenching minutes.


Luke Ward

Goals: 0

Rating: 7/10

Comment: No goals from Luke this week despite having the chances. A couple of one-on-ones were spurned but despite that Ward the Younger played his part in this epic night.with his best moment being the sweet through ball for Bayliss’ 5th goal.

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