Dickiebliss’s Blog


GETUPFRONT VS BRADFORD’S MAAAM 17TH APRIL
April 23, 2016, 6:08 pm
Filed under: Getupfront

After a 5 week break the Getupfront boys were finally back in action. After a shortfall in numbers recently, manager Bayliss was taking no chances this week and bumped up the squad up to a massive 7 (that’s seven!) players. This multitude of talent also included new signing Aaron Barwick making his debut. A journey man footballer of many a team, Barwick has a reputation as being an angry player – everything annoys him on the pitch – the opposition, the ref, his team mates, his shorts…how would he fair strutting his stuff for Getupfront?

Game 1: Getupfront 6-3 Bradford’s Maaam

It turns out that the opposition,Bradford’s Maaam, are a mathematically challenged team and had turned up for a 5-a-side game with only 4 players. Fortunately Getupfront manager Bayliss  is rather better with numbers and quickly worked out that 7 is 2 more than 5 and therefore he could afford to relinquish one of his squad to play for the opposition. The Bradford boys took a long hard look at the prime athletes (and Tony Ward) in front of them and ludicrously decided they didn’t need any of them and would play with a man down. What a bunch of ingrates! OK so if that’s how its going to be….

“Into this lot!” bellowed Barwick at kick off but it was his new team mates who were quickly on the back foot despite their numerical advantage. Some slick passing from the organised Bradford’s Maaam saw our brave heroes 0-1 down early on. Luke Ward stabbed home an equaliser soon after but more defensive sloppiness meant the boys went in 2-1 down at half time.

When a 3rd goal went in shortly after the break all looked lost at 1-3. With just 5 minutes left on the clock, Bayliss produced a managerial masterstroke and subbed himself and Tony Ward, the two oldest codgers on the team (combined age 97), leaving his youngest legs on the court to test a clearly tiring and man down opposition.

Barwick’s frustration with proceedings had clearly reached boiling point and he flew at the opposition, hurling himself into the action like Jamie Vardy on speed. What followed was a veritable shit storm of goals as Getupfront banged in 5 without reply to win the game 6-3. The returning Jay Robson, clearly buzzing after his precious Newcastle United finally realised they were supposed to be a professional football team the day before, helped himself to a hat-trick with the increasingly dependable Luke Ward adding his second of the game. And what of Barwick? Aaron finally broke his duck with a last minute stooping header to capitalise on Luke Ward’s fine cross.

Game 2: Getupfront 3-1 Bradford’s Maaam

By the time of the 2nd game, Bradford’s Maaam were obviously feeling the effects of playing with a man down and Getupfront were able to keep them at arm’s length quite comfortably. As hard as they tried to get a foothold in the match ultimately it was a futile endeavour. A bit like watching Roberto Martinez trying to convince the world (and himself) that he is a good football manager by constantly referring to everything as “phenomenal” – it was never going to work. Sure enough the Getupfronters went into the half time break with a 2-0 lead courtesy of goals from Barwick and Luke Ward.

man-utd-1-0-everton-roberto-mart-480x300

This man has a phenomenal head of hair

The 2nd half saw more of the same and the boys knocked up a 3rd when Jay Robson fluked a goal after his initial attempt to round the goalie, rebounded off first the keeper and then himself before nestling in the back of the net.

 

And that was that..until the human octopus that is Mike Ewen decided hew as actually a Harlem Globetrotter rather than a Scouser and handballed in the area. The resulting penalty was duly despatched but it made little difference ultimately as Getupfront racked up a 3rd consecutive win.

How they rated

Stuart Taylor (GK)

Superb again  – we’re running out of superlatives for Stu- oh hang on lets ask Roberto Martinez…

If he were a rapper he would be:

Flava Flav – best known for his his signature normal size clock worn as a fashion accessory. Stu on the other hand did’t need a clock to call time on the oppositions’s goal haul letting in just a measly 4 in 40 minutes of game time.  9/10 MOTM

Richard Bayliss (Player Manager)

Hmm…don’t remember him doing much at all…lets check his stats *sound of OPTA stats book being thumbed* Bayliss…Bayliss……ah, Bayliss…hmm…there are no stats just a picture of a donkey. 6/10

If he were a rapper he would be:

Vanilla Ice – Enjoyed a brief moment in the sun 25 years ago and then turned into a joke, derided by all of his peers. Whatever happened to Vanilla Ice though? 6/10

Tony Ward

Hat trick hero last time out but a repeat performance was about as likely as Nigel Farage appearing on TV wearing a t-shirt with his tax return printed on it.

If he were a rapper he would be:

MC Hammer – one is an embarrassment mostly remembered for his ridiculous baggy pants. The other is MC Hammer. 7/10

Luke Ward

Proving himself to be a reliable goalscorer is our Luke. And he’d been out celebrating his birthday the night before. Now that’s commitment for you.

If he were a rapper he would be:

Snoop Doggy Dog – Luke sniffed out his chances like a dog sniffing out a bone and (ahem) buried them. 8/10

Mike Ewen

Genial scouser Mike is a popular guy and not only with his teammates but also with the opposition when he literally handed them a penalty late on. Despite that, it was another impressive performance. Boss la’! 8/10

If he were a rapper he would be:

John Barnes – Hardly the “master plan” but Mike did most of his good work “round the back”, holding, breaking up play and generally cajoling his team mates onto ever greater efforts. 8/10

Aaron Barwick

Good debut from Angry Aaron including 2 goals. Fitted in seamlessly with his new team mates  – could he be softening in his old age?

If he were a rapper he would be:

MC Tunes – hard as nails Mancunian. “The only rhyme that bites” was apparently inspired by Aaron. 8/10

Jay Robson

Back from injury and it was like he’d never been away- his 4 goals made him top scorer for the night.

If he were a rapper he would be:

LLCool J – obviously. With his laconic style and dead-eye finishing, Jay was coolness personified. 8/10


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