Dickiebliss’s Blog

The Kickers 5 – 3 The Plebs
May 6, 2013, 8:58 pm
Filed under: Getupfront


Championes Championes Ole Ole Ole!

Despite Tony Ward’s claims that he had worked it all out using some complicated algorithms, someone clever had indeed done the maths beforehand and proclaimed that a win in the return match against last week’s opponents would be enough for the Kickers to seal the futsal title. This blogger has reported  on over 40 Kickers matches over numerous campaigns and never have they been so close to glory. They could actually win the league! And not only if some totally implausible mathematical long shot came to pass, just by doing what they have been doing week in, week out, by winning just one moire game of futsal. 

Unlike Hull City who seemed determined to sabotage their chances of promotion to the promised land of the Premier League at every turn, the boys seemed in confident mood as they arrived for the last game of the evening.  And yet they could have been forgiven for showing some nerves as they would have to do it without rampaging goalscorer Andy Hoole who was mysteriously “away” for this crucial match. Taking his place was the returning Mike Ewen. Replacing a man who guarantees goals with a man who guarantees gaffes? Surely this is folly? Mike  was in ebullient mood pre kick off though and was talking a more confident game than even Nigel Farage has been lately.

And so to the action. As in last week’s game the Kickers were soon one gaol down as a Gary Moore parry was pounced on by a Plebs striker. There was no sign of panic though and it was no surprise when Rich Kirk levelled soon after. After having been so reliable all tournament, Gary Moore had one of those inexplicably mad moments when he weakly kicked out straight to the opposition forward who spanked the ball past him to give the Plebs the lead again. Yet again the Kickers were indebted to Rich Kirk who grabbed an equaliser before the break. The title was still on but it was in the balance.

Half-time: The Kickers 2 – 2 The Plebs

If ever an early Kickers goal was required to settle the nerves, this was it and it duly arrived within a minute of the restart as a Kirk corner somehow sneaked straight through and into the net. A stroke  of luck (or did Rich mean it?) and the tide had turned irrevocably the way of the Kickers. Within moments a Gary Moore punt up field dropped over the shoulder of the lurking Kirk who in one entrancing movement followed the flight of the ball and connected on the volley to turn it past the opposition keeper. BOOM! A truly gob smacking moment which brought to mind that volley by David Platt in Italia 90 – if anything Rich’s effort was better than Platty’s.

At 4-2 up the Kickers turned on the style. Mike Ewen in particular was having a stormer – full of nonchalant lay-offs and ghosting into space at every turn and it was Mike’s creativity that made the 5ht goal when his back-heeled pass spilt the defence and allowed Robert Sherratt through on goal. The finish was emphatic and never in doubt.

A late Plebs goal (hotly disputed by Gary Moore who felt he had been fouled by the scorer) was not going to affect the result. As the (always smartly turned out) ref blew the final whistle it was party time! A chant of championes championes rose up and there was much back slapping and hugs all round.

Championes, championes…

Just as it all worked out OK in the end for Hull City on Saturday, the Kickers had finally done it. The league  was won (and with a game to spare), and they had finally , after all these years they had finally achieved something together. Youngsters like Barwick, Hoole and Kirk will probably think these good times will go on forever but for the veterans of the team like Moore, Sherratt, Bayliss and Ward this will be the defining moment of their Kickers career. Enjoy it fellas – you all deserve it! 

Full-time: The Kickers 5 – 3 The Plebs

Scorers:  Rich Kirk (4), Robert Sherratt

How they performed

Gary Moore

At fault for at least one of the goals, Gary tried to make up for it by scoring one himself and went on one of his trademark slaloming runs which caused much panic in the rest of his teammates. He was finally upended by an opposition defender and, with  the free kick won, was finally sent back to his station by Scouse la’ Mike Ewen (and yes I think he did say “calm down, calm down”).  Gary’s contract  to play in goal for this competition was only agreed  once the clause was inserted that said he would be guaranteed at least one game as an outfield player. Next week is the last game  – will Gary insist on this clause being honoured? And if so, who will go in goals? You have all been warned. 7/10


Rich Bayliss

Solid in the first half with some decent blocking and even one or two nice lay offs (including setting up Barwick beautifully only to see Azza’s strike to cannon off the post). However he seemed to yet again lose his nerve in the second half when the tension bit hard. Ended the game as a title winner though so nobody’s getting a drubbing off Dickiebliss this week. 7/10


Rich Kirk

Now I’m not saying the Kickers are a one man team but seriously, where would they be without this boy? Certainly not champions  – another wondrous solo performance topped by that stunning effort for his 4th goal. Not dissimilar to the Gareth Bale effect at Spurs (only in ability Rich, not looks!). And just as the football world debates whether Spurs can keep hold of their prized asset, can the Kickers convince Kirk that his future lies with them beyond this competition? It may take more than the curry and beer Tony Ward promised as a celebration for winning the title. 9/10


Tony Ward

Has there ever been a more devisive figure in the Kickers squad than Tony? Not the most naturally gifted of players, yet Tone will occasionally dumbfound his detractors with a display of daring verve  and tonight was one of those nights.  Usually very prone to ignoring tactical instructions and wandering all over the park (he’s as likely to turn up on the left wing as the centre of defence) Tony turned in as solid a performance as we have seen in many a moon, breaking up the play, even completing the odd pass and of coursed always giving his all for the cause. One Kickers team member once remarked that he didn’t like playing if Tony wasn’t there as he always makes him laugh – well no-one was laughing tonight. 3 words – boy done good. 7/10


Mike Ewen

Voted by an independent panel (actually Robert Sherratt’s 16 year old son) to be the Kickers best player on the night and you know what , I don’t think Robert’s lad was even taking the piss. Mike produced a passable impression of Dimitar Berbatov, playing in that achingly trendy No 10 position behind the main striker. His back heel through ball for Sherratt to score the 5th goal was perhaps the highlight of the whole evening. 8/10


Aaron Barwick

Azza displayed some never before seen talents this week. We all know about his legendary grumpiness, his penchant for delivering bile at the opposition (and his team mates) and his not inconsiderable ball skills but this week he showed his ability to distract via irrational statement. This was showcased when Rich Kirk blatantly barged into an opposition player knocking him not just off the ball  but off court. Azza’s reaction was to harangue the ref by saying “Handball, that ref”. As surreal a moment as anything Billy the Fish ever got up to in Viz. Despite the absurdity of Barwick’s behaviour, it seemed to be working as decision after decision was incorrectly awarded to the Kickers. Retained ball possession magnificently as the Kickers came under the cosh late on, slowing the game down to dawdling pace (no mean feat in futsal) to ensure the lads got over the line. 8/10


Robert Sherratt

Following the trend set by Tony Ward in this competition, Robert brought his lad along for vocal “encouragement”. Unlike Tony’s lads who mercilessly rinsed their pater from start to finish, there was no such lack of fatherly loyalty from Sherratt junior although Dad Robert was unable to convince his offspring that he was the man of the match despite his well taken goal. 8/10

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