Dickiebliss’s Blog

Kickers 10 – 5 Theeb FC ( Wed night futsal league)
March 12, 2013, 10:44 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The first colour edition of Match of the Day was shown on 15 November 1969, between Liverpool and West Ham United.


Well, the kids today, for whom football didn’t exist before the Premier League, wouldn’t understand of course but for those of us of a certain vintage (and that includes most of the Kickers squad) for whom live football came around but once a year on FA Cup final day, we can appreciate the excitement viewers must have felt – seeing the lush green of the pitch and the vibrant red, claret and blue of the strips. What an innovation! What a format! An new era beckoned….

Get to the point…

And talking of new eras…

Oh here we go…

The Kickers entered the brave new world of Wed night futsal last week.

Foot stool?

No! Futsal Its indoor 5-a-side but with a smaller ball.

Right… 5 -a -side then…

NO! It’s totally different – you can play over head height and you don’t use the boards. There’s more emphasis on skill, ball control and passing in small spaces and …and…(getting exasperated)..it’s totally brilliant!

Calm down…so the Kickers have taken up this new sport have they? I can see a massive problem straight away..an emphasis on SKILL you say….

Oi! The Kickers have got skilfull players…

Really? Go on name them then….

Right there’s….(pauses for thought)…there’s ….(pauses for more thought)…there’s ….PAUL ANDREWS!

Granted – a player blessed with a modicum of skill. Any more up your sleeve?

Look I’m not a search engine am I?

That’s it then – one player?

No wait….Aaron Barwick and Andy Hoole  – there you go!

Barwick and Hoole? Sounds like a firm of solicitors. Isn’t Aaron Barwick the grumpy git from last season? Thought he would have long since gone off in a strop and found someone better to play for.

Aaron had some …anger issues last season  but he’s fully committed to the team now and there are no problems in the camp

Now you sound like Rafa Benitez. Anyone else you would like to be considered in the skillful bracket?

Tony Ward and Richard Bayliss are still in the team.


Something funny?

For Ward and Bayliss read Abbott and Costello

Look  – they have feelings too you know

Really – I heard they’d lost all feelings in their legs after the first 2 minutes of play

Do you want to know the score or not?

Think I’d rather look away now

Well the Kickers triumphed 10-5 actually

10-5? Is futsal basketball in disguise?

Well, it was a bit nip and tuck for a while with both teams going up the other end and trading goals until the score was 7-5

Then what happened?

Something quite remarkable – Richard Bayliss scored a goal.

You’re just being silly now…

Swear to God…he surged forward to collect a Tony Ward cross-field pass, opened up his body and connected with a sweet half volley that flew into the corner. SLAM DUNK!

Who knew?

Not Bayliss whose non-celebration suggested that he didn’t know what he had just done. After that Theeb just gave up – when even Bayliss scores against you then you know you’re shit.

I hear you brother

Final Score

The Kickers 10-5 Theeb FC


  • Andy Hoole (3)
  • Robert Sherratt 92)
  • Tony Ward (2)
  • Paul Andrews
  • Aaron Barwick
  • Richard Bayliss*

* No just doesn’t look right even in black and white does it?

How they performed

Gary Moore The best thing about futsal for Gary? The goalkeepers can come out of the area like in 11-a-side. Expecting Gary to stay in his area in these circumstances was as likely as Rafa Benitez being made honorary life president of the Chelsea supporters club (don’t be thinking Sunday’s 2-2 draw at Old Trafford will save you Rafa). And so we were treated to a number of outfield excursions as Moore tried to join in the goal scoring shenanigans. No he didn’t score but he did make some very decent saves when he remembered what he was there for. 7/10

Paul Andrews – Just like Ryan Giggs, Paul doesn’t do friendlies – and so despite not having been seen anywhere near the 3G pitches in the months since last season ended, Paul was back when it  really mattered. Despite some uncharacteristic misplaced passes early on, Paul produced some orderly link-up play and an impossibly neat finish for his goal, BANG TIDY! …or something…I don’t know what it means do I – I’m middle-aged. 7/10

Aaron Barwick As the minutes ticked by, Aaron became visibly enraged that he was the only outfield player not to have scored – to put it in context this means Tony ward (twice) and Richard Bayliss managed to find the net before him. Luckily for everyone in the vicinity, Aaron squeezed one in with the last kick of the match and a strop of catastrophic proportions was averted. 6/10

Andy Hoole – You can only rely upon two things in life they say – death and taxes. Well  we can add a third to the list -that being that in a game when the Kickers scored 10 for the first time ever, Andy Hoole would grab a hat-trick. Despite complaining pre-match that he had put on a few pounds since last season and that none of the kit fitted him, he waltzed around the oppostion defence will-o’-the-wisp style. 8/10

Robert Sherratt – It wouldn’t be the Kickers without him – Robert turned up again just when you thought he couldn’t possibly make yet another comeback. This legendary figure scored a brace to show the expectant throng that no amount of time spent in stuffy meetings could ever blunt his appetite for the game nor his sharpness in front of goal. 7/10 

Richard Bayliss Struggled with the pace of the game early on especially when he realised you cannot hide in futsal like he usually does in his favourite right back berth in 6-a-side. But then he did score THAT goal….6/10

Tony Ward – Tony’s son turned up to see the old man in action and deigned to mark him as a 3/10 performance despite Tone’s two goals (the first of which was a pearler). The folly of youth eh? Tony knows though that goals mean points so the Dickiebliss ranking is…2/10…………oh OK 7/10 then.

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