Dickiebliss’s Blog

The Kickers 4-0 Bosman Utd
July 11, 2012, 10:13 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

You can’t have failed to notice that there was a big game on last weekend – it featured a team who played their previous match without a recognised striker on the pitch and instead deployed a “false No 9”; a team who many have labelled as boring and predictable such is the relentlessness of their particular brand of football; a team who have created a new style of football never before witnessed and a team that ran out 4-0 winners in a laughably one-sided game……no not Spain and their namby -pamby “tika taka” nonsense! I refer of course to The Kickers who trounced Bosman Utd last Friday lunchtime.

The Kickers? But what those claims in the paragraph above?

All true

And that stuff about no recognised strikers?

Have you forgotten the 1-1 draw with Facilities when they fielded a team of defenders?

OK – but the “false No 9”?

Tony Ward

(Sound of choking)…WHAAAT???!!! You must be joking???!!!

Scored the all important equaliser remember….

Yes but….”a new style of football never before witnessed”?

That would be “playing backwards

What are you on about?

The Kickers defended so deep in the Facilities game that the lack of forward motion gave the beguiling impression of playing backwards – lulling the opposition into a false sense of security.

What utter guff! I’ll give you the one about being boring….

It’s a game of opinions I suppose

So what happened in this amazing game then?

Well….after the previous game’s list of absentees which was longer than a Mark Lawrenson anecdote, the only player missing this time round was keeper Ned Kelly, meaning a massive posse of 10 players had turned up. As the opposition had seven players, the quick-thinking Richard Bayliss got an agreement from the ref that the game would be 7-a-side instead of the usual six.

(Mocking tone) Quick-thinking indeed….err…I mean… Indeed…quick thinking.

Anyway, it soon became apparent that there was an almighty mis-match afoot as the Kickers sprang into a 2 goal lead by half-time.


It was actually. First, Andy Hoole did his best impression of a jinking winger and danced his way into the opposition penalty box before laying the ball off to the fast-arriivng Paul Andrews who gleefully drilled home his first goal of the season.

Andy Hoole passed to a team-mate when in the opposition box? A first surely?

A first and then a second as the net was bulging again soon after as Andy cut into the penalty area once more before squaring the ball to Aaron Barwick who literally could not miss from a foot out. But all this was just the subplot to the real story of the game….

Sounds very dramatic

Gary Thompson got injured.

Is that it?

Forget all those moans about hurty knees and poorly toes that are regularly heard in the dressing room, this was a  bona fide injury that required professional medical attention.


Straight up. Moments after coming off the bench to take his usual place in defence, Gary succumbed to a genuinely serious injury when the ball hit him on the hand.

(The sound of barely stifled laughter) The ball hit him on the hand…that was his serious injury?

Broke his wrist. Gaz needed the assistance of two paramedics and an ambulance.

Oh…sorry Gary

Half-time: The Kickers 2-0 Bosman Utd

I guess the second half was a sombre affair given what happened to Gary then?

Sombre? More like sombrero. The Kickers turned on the Spanish style after the break with a display of Latino skills that resulted in a further two goals.

Apparently there is a something called a sombrero flick and this is it…

Talk me through them then…

The third followed a strike on goal from Mike Ewen (no really) that Andy Hoole cleverly diverted into the net whilst the fourth was a rising drive from that man Hoole again following good approach play from Aaron Barwick and Paul Andrews. Cracking!

And poor old Gary Thompson? What news of him?

Last seen being led to a waiting ambulance by two paramedics, arm in sling…

Gary – we salute you

Full-time The Kickers 4-0 Bosman Utd

Scorers: Andrews, Barwick, Hoole (2)


How they performed:

Wayne Thompson: What’s that in Wayne’s back pocket? It’s not another clean sheet is it? It is you know…7/10

If he had played in the Euro 2012 final he would have been:

Ilker Casillas (Spain) 

The King of shut-outs.


Gary Thompson: Just one word – OUCH!!!! Poor Gary suffered a serious hand injury moments after coming on as a substitute that precipitated the end of his involvement with the action.  The general consensus amongst the lads at the time of the injury was “oh he’ll be alright  – SUB!!!” and the game carried on. It’s what Gary would have wanted no doubt. Gary the victory is dedicated to you and we will all wear black armbands for the next match in your honour. 6/10

If he had played in the Euro 2012 final he would have been:

Thiago Motta (Italy)

Unlike Motta who had a team of 14 physios and medical staff frantically trying to nurse him back onto the pitch, poor old Gaz was left to stagger off the pitch on his jack in search of medical aid from the Sports centre reception. Not even brother Wayne went with him but to be fair to Wayne he had the pressing engagement of being in goals at the time. 


Richard Bayliss: Surprisingly OK this week. Made a couple of timely interceptions and one important block tackle in his own area. Never gave the ball away either. 7/10

If he had played in the Euro 2012 final he would have been:

Sergio Ramos (Spain)

Versatile defender comfortable at both centre back and right back but perhaps best known for dropping the Copa Del Rey  under the wheels of the Real Madrid victory parade bus causing a massive dent in the trophy. Even Bayliss’s most comical defending was never that clumsy!


Mike Ewen: Started at the back but was pushed into midfield where he actually fashioned a number of half chances. He didn’t take any of them obviously. Looked a bit “leggy” as the game wore on and not in a good way you understand. 6/10

If he had played in the Euro 2012 final he would have been:

Sergio Busquets (Spain)

Much lauded Spanish international defensive midfielder but does anybody actually know what it is he does during a game?


Tony Ward: Constantly lampooned as a buffoon in this very blog, Tone wasn’t half bad this week …..no…this week he was, in fact , all bad. 6/10

If he had played in the Euro 2012 final he would have been:

Andrea Pirlo (Italy)

Styllish elder statesman of football currently enjoying an Indian Summer with some exquisite  match winning performances. That’s Andrea Pirlo obviously…Tony Ward is just an old giffer.


Gary Moore: Just a small cameo from Gary ahead of his impending nuptials. Didn’t do an awful lot and certainly wasn’t “best man” on this occasion.  6/10

If he had played in the Euro 2012 final he would have been:

Antonio Cassano (Italy)

Like Cassano who returned to top flight football after undergoing heart surgery, Gary also made a playing return to his beloved Kickers after a recent health scare. Cassano is also renowned  for his short temper whilst Gary is similarly known for his tantrums (witness his petulant resignation of a month ago). 


Paul Andrews: Best game of the season for Paul. Added that vital ingredient of a goal to his already rich footballing recipe. 8/10

If he had played in the Euro 2012 final he would have been:

David Silva (Spain)

Classy and nimble performer who scored the game’s opening goal. Magnificent ball retention and passing abilities but just as Silva pulled a face when being substituted, Paul seemed equally miffed when he had to start the second half on the sidelines.


Paul Chin: Some fine link-up play in the centre of the park but as likely to find the net as you are to hear the words “That’s it! He’s done it! Andy Murray is Wimbledon champion at last!” 7/10

If he had played in the Euro 2012 final he would have been:

Xabi Alonso (Spain)

Pass master extraordinaire, Chinny is to The Kickers what Alonso is to Spain. They even share the same dodgy scouse accent.


Andy Hoole: Despite turning up to play in some generic blue sports top and not the regualtion Kickers kit, Andy turned in a very special individual performance with two goals and two assists meaning he had a hand in all four goals. Or rather a foot in all four goals. 9/10 Man of the Match

If he had played in the Euro 2012 final he would have been:

Fernando Torres (Spain)

Torres was just about goals in Euro 2012 somehow managing to bag the golden boot award despite being a peripheral figure for most of the tournament. Andy is similarly all about goals easily being The Kickers top scorer this season. Unlike Torres, there is never any doubt as to whether Andy will be selected to play.


Aaron Barwick: Usual combative stuff from “Azza” Barwick who is the team “talker”  re-kindling memories of that great orator of old Nigel Cass (remember him?). Cajoling his team-mates from kick-off to final whistle with a torrent of football speak, its like he has Tourrettes (hmmm….when it’s written down in black and white this word looks like it could be the collective noun for a group of female Fernando Torres fans). All he needs know is a catchphrase. Be careful what you say from here on in Azza…Dickiebliss is listening….7/10

If he had played in the Euro 2012 final he would have been:

Jordi Alba (Spain)

Scorer of the game’s second goal, Alba was a blur of red as he sped past the Italian defence. Similarly Azza is the Kickers resident speed merchant, However, had he been on the losing team, no doubt Azza’s notoriously short fuse would have been to the fore and he would have been compared to that other champion sulker Mario Balotelli. Instead it was back slaps all round come full time and Azza had a beaming smile and another goal to add to his growing tally this season. 

1 Comment so far
Leave a comment

Busquets?? Busquets?? jeeeeeeez I’d have taken Jordan Henderson

Comment by mikeewen101

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: