Dickiebliss’s Blog


The Kickers 2-1 SFC FC
June 7, 2012, 9:08 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

A mere two weeks after their meltdown at the hands of this week’s opponents that precipitated Gary Moore to fall on his sword, the Kickers were not only back but on the march. A sensational 2-1 victory against the much touted Sports centre team – this was one of those games where the scoreline belied the quality of the performance. The Kickers played with composure, intelligence and belief – three ingredients sadly missing a fortnight previous.

Jubilant that Gary Moore had reconsidered his position and had agreed to return as manager in a non-playing capacity, the Kickers were given further good tidings when news disseminated  that SFC FC’s playmaker Andy was injured and out for 3 months. Schadenfreude!

Grace causes a hoopla at the Jubilee concert

Regular keeper John “Ned” Kelley was back  meaning last week’s stand-in Wayne Thompson could recommence his body-building career uninterrupted. Also back was Tony “Time…time…loads of time…..MAN ON!!!” Ward bringing his unique brand of footballing nous to the table.How would you describe Tone? Think Grace Jones at the Jubilee concert – rapidly approaching retirement age, completely bonkers yet somehow always seems to steal the show. Anyway, Tony’s arrival meant that a 9 man squad was available for selection –  a veritable street party.

“Hey Liz, is that Gary Moore over there?” Prince Philip thinks he may have spotted the weekend’s most high profile missing person.

However  there was one person missing-  uncannily pre-empting a Prince Philip style absence from the Diamond Jubilee concert, Gary Moore was taken poorly just before kick-off and was laid up whilst his charges were performing their heroics. The Kickers squad would all like to wish Gary a speedy recovery. Get well soon boss!

With Andy Hoole and Aaron Barwick doing their usual mad dash from the IT helpdesk followed by a high octane kit-change routine on the sidelines, the Kickers started without their only players to have scored so far this season.

Awkward – what is the royal etiquette for apoloigising for being shit? Elton tries to look like he’s not really there.

They were hardly missed though as the Kickers controlled the game with SFC FC as off- song as a Cliff Richard medley (God he was awful wasn’t he?!). This despite one Michael Latham being amongst their ranks – Michael is a recent recruit to the library but was refused entry to the Kickers squad on the grounds of being too tall. To be fair, Michael looked as convincing on a football pitch as Prince Charles jigging  along to JLS in the royal box.

Finally, it was time for the arrival of a fully attired and raring to go, Barwick and Hoole . They may sound like a firm of undertakers but the only deadly thing about Aaron and Andy was their finishing. First Andy put the Kickers ahead after combining with the majestic Paul Andrews and then Aaron produced a Van Basten like wonder strike to score from a near impossible angle by the corner flag.

Sandwiched in between these goals was a reply from the opposition which resulted from a mistake from Ned Kelly who, unsure whether he could pick the ball up or not, mis-kicked a Mike Ewen back pass straight to SFC FC’s Alex who pounced to score emphatically. The dreaded back pass rule that nobody seems to really understand had struck again.

Click below to see what Ned should have done

Half-time: The Kickers 2-1 SFC FC

The second half started with both Pauls Chin and Andrews on the sidelines which didn’t seem a wise move  seeing as they were the Kickers two most composed players. The resulting panic amongst the ranks was highlighted by two…ahem …”efforts” on goal from players in nose bleed territory – step forward Tony Ward and Gary Thompson who both produced shots on goal so lacking in direction they even made Stewart Downing look like a professional footballer.

Hang on  – Stewart Downing can do this can’t he? Oh it was a fake promo…..

The rolling subs policy meant both Pauls were back in the thick of it soon enough with Chinny hitting the outside of a post when he maybe should have done better. Meanwhile the defence was doing a decent job of restricting the opposition to long range efforts and when they did break through, Ned Kelley was able to repel everything that came his way.

There was clear dissent in the ranks now as SFC FC became ever more frustrated  – a condition that was not helped by a spot of keep ball by the Kickers as full time loomed. Possession was finally relinquished when Tony Ward (inevitably) decided to the best form of defence was attack and rushed headlong down the wing whilst forgetting to take the ball with him. As impromptu moves go, it was as ill conceived as Rolf Harris desperately filling an unexpected gap at the Jubilee concert with a rendition of “Two Little Boys”.

Ultimately it didn’t matter as the ref’s whistle brought the curtain down on what could only be described as a pageant of football  – see you in 60 years for the diamond celebration of this historic event.

Full time:  The Kickers 2-1 SFC FC

How they performed:

John “Ned”  Kelly

If he’d been on the  Diamond Jubilee concert bill he would have been: Tom Jones – reliable old timer who can still turn it on 7/10

Richard Bayliss

If he’d been on the  Diamond Jubilee concert bill he would have been:  Cliff Richard  – the longer he performed, the worse he got – please stop! 6/10

Tony Ward 

If he’d been on the  Diamond Jubilee concert bill he would have beenGrace Jones  – Guaranteed to do something unexpected –  playing football properly would certainly have been that. 6/10

Gary Thompson

If he’d been on the  Diamond Jubilee concert bill he would have been: Madness – for all the good he was, he might as well have been playing on the Sports Centre roof. 6/10

Paul Chin

If he’d been on the  Diamond Jubilee concert bill he would have been: Annie Lennox – enthusiastic performance as usual but lacked that knockout blow a goal would have brought. 7/10

Paul Andrews

If he’d been on the  Diamond Jubilee concert bill he would have been: Alfie Boe – classy performer who delivers every time 8/10

Aaron Barwick

If he’d been on the  Diamond Jubilee concert bill he would have been: Ed Sheeran – new kid on the block causing quite a fuss 7/10

Andy Hoole

If he’d been on the  Diamond Jubilee concert bill he would have been: Lang Lang – Andy ‘s more like Bang Bang as yet another goal his the back of the net 7/10

Mike Ewen

If he’d been on the  Diamond Jubilee concert bill he would have been: Paul McCartney – renowned Scouse likeability just about saw him through – just. 6/10


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