Dickiebliss’s Blog


AS Kickers Divided 2-6 The Other Lot
November 9, 2010, 9:22 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

We’re back! Yes dear reader, your favourite 6-a-siders have returned once more to keep you enthralled and entertained with their footballing exploits on and off the pitch. Back… and this time bigger and better than before. This season promises a bigger squad, bigger waistines and better results (there’s nothing like new season optimisim is there?)

The Kickers get the team bath routine wrong - clothes off surely lads?!

However there’s one thing that has definitley not been improved since last year….that team name! AS Kickers Divided? Apparently the demise of Academic Services demanded a re-think on the team name. Many suggestions were made….The Toe Pokers, The Zonal Markers, The Injurytimers…there was even an ambitious attempt to make a play on the Library and Learning Innovation moniker (Highbury and Earning Relegation anyone? No thought not!). At one point is was definitely going to be just The Kickers (like when the Small Faces became The Faces) but then somehow at the last minute we were registered as AS Kickers Divided. For the sake of aesthetic integrity and because it’s easier to type, this blog will refer to the team just as The Kickers from now on….

And so to the first action…a bit like the Community Shield, the traditional curtain raiser to the professional game, the match on Friday was a friendly but was also an opportunity for manager Gary Moore to run his eye over the fitness and form of his squad ahead of the big kick off next week.  However the Kickers performance was less curtain -raiser and more like a tatty bathroom window blind being hoisted jerkily to its lop-sided final position.

A huge turn-out had responded to Moore’s clarion call and an amazing 23 players assembled at the 3G pitch (12 Kickers and 11 opponents). Oh yes..the opponents…who were they exactly? Basically an amalgamation of every team The Kickers have ever played against – oh that sounds fair enough…

BLAKE MACE! worries whether has done enough to earn a starting place next week

All of last season’s big names were back (with the notable exception of Nigel Cass) including a fit again Paul Andrews and poster boy Carl Barrow. But wait …who’s that raring-to-go young gun up front? Why that’s new signing Blake Mace who at 29 has brought the average age of the squad down dramatically. Not only that but with his clean cut looks, youthful energy and new decade haircut he is a rival for Carl’s official position as team heart-throb! And what about that name?! Can’t you just imagine the X-Factor announcer giving it some welly on  Saturday night… “Danii and the last of the boys…BLAKE MACE!”

There was also the surprise return of the veteran John Higham who missed the whole of the previous season due to that rare football condition known as “couldn’t be arsed to play”. Rumours that he had made Rooneyesque statements about the rest of the squad not being good enough to play with him remain unsubstantiated and with his recovery now complete Big John was welcomed back into the fold with welcome arms (unlike  Rooney).

Gary Thompson fails his trial for the position of keeper by wrecking the goalposts

And yet another surprise…Gary Thompson has had his hair cut! The ponytail is no more, shorn in a sponsored event to raise money for lost souls afflicted with delusions of being in a rock band. Let’s hope Gary is less like Samson and more like Carlos Tevez whose new short back and sides seems to have made him play better than ever.

Given the large numbers,  a 9-a-side format with rolling subs was agreed and The Kickers got off to a dream start with a beautifully worked goal by Robert Sherratt after a dazzling combination with Moore had bamboozled the opposition. Stop the season now – it probably won’t get any better for The Kickers than that! Sure enough that old enemy known as “lack of fitness” came-a-calling as surely  as Colleen’s reconcilation with Wayne Rooney (well, we all knew that would happen didn’t we?) The Kickers wilted as The Other Lot ruthlessly put them to the sword as the goals against column started to stack up like a can of Pringles. Once they popped they couldn’t stop!

It's August 1974 and Gary Thompson reacts badly to criticism of his new hairstyle

At the back Bayliss showed his lack of fitness and spent the whole game chasing shadows whilst defensive partner Gary Thompson was nearly involved in a flashpoint confrontation with an opposition striker who accused him of… well… kicking him. Nice guy Gary? Never!

It wasn’t all one way traffic though as first Tony Ward sauntered into the penalty area before hitting the base of the post and then Moore crashed a piledriver onto the underside of the crossbar before bouncing to safety. Moore was later to miss unbelieveably from one yard out as he attempted a fancy dan backheel finish.

But there were some positives. Wayne Thompson in goal showed bravery and agility with some of his saves, and Paul Andrews lasted the whole game with no major after effects putting paid to rumours that he was in fact Owen (6 minute comeback ) Hargreaves in disguise. Up front Blake Mace (or BLAKE MACE! to give him his full name) looked a useful signing with some tireless and selfless running.

And anyway it’s  marathon not a sprint isn’t it…and  it’s a game of two halves…and you can’t win the title in August but you can certainly lose it…etc etc..

The Squad in full

Jealousy rears its ugly head on the back row as Carl Barrow defaces the image of rival Blake Mace

  1. Wayne Thompson  – Goalkeeper
  2. Gary Thompson – Defender
  3. Richard Bayliss  – Defender occasionally
  4. Tony Ward – Utility
  5. John Higham – Utility
  6. Alan Hewett – Utility
  7. Andy Thompson – Midfield
  8. Paul Andrews – Midfield
  9. Carl Barrow – Forward
  10. Gary Moore – Forward/ Goalkeeper
  11. BLAKE MACE! – Forward
  12. Robert Sherratt – Forward

Nigel Cass – squad number to be announced


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