Dickiebliss’s Blog


BOOKWORMS SEASON 2009 REVIEW
August 3, 2009, 4:35 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Players

Gary Thompson

Gary and Wayne model Bookworms new away kit

Appearances: 9

Position: Defender

Goals: 0

Comment: In Herge’s “Adventures of Tin Tin”, the detectives Thomson and Thompson can only be differentiated by the size of their moustaches. No such problems for the Bookworms own Thompsons as neither sports facial hair (we’re not counting Gary’s stubble!). Elder brother Gary, does favour a ponytail though. However, if his inspiration was the “divine ponytail” that was Italian hero Roberto Baggio, he was more David Seaman – a gruff Yorkshire man with a daft haircut who discovered he was a better ice skater than footballer. Fancy having a go at “Dancing on Ice” next year Gaz?

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Wayne Thompson

Probably more painful than Wayne's "hurty" knee injuries

Appearances: 8

Position: Defender / Goalkeeper

Goals: 0

Comment: Football has a rich history of outfield players acting as emergency goalkeepers. Think Niall Quinn saving a penalty for Man City in 1991 and Vinnie Jones donning the gloves heroically for Wimbledon back in the day. Mr Jones of course was infamous for his hard man persona, being sent off 12 times in his career, and squeezing Gazza’s crown jewels. Wayne’s “tough guy” image on the other hand, amounted to showing everybody where he had grazed his knee after every game. A “hurty” knee can be a serious injury apparently….A steady season for Wayne the younger culminating in good work between the sticks late doors (or something).

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Chris Awre

dickie guy

Its a sweaty business saving penalties apparently

Appearances: 6

Position: Goalkeeper

Goals: 0

Comment: That rarest of breeds – a bearded goalkeeper. Not since the days of Dickie Guy – Wimbledon’s 1975 FA cup hero who famously saved a Peter Lorimer penalty – has the species been sighted. Eerily echoing his beard-sake, Chris saved a penalty in the 3-0 victory of Union All stars. “The goalkeepers fear of the penalty?” No way! Chris put in a performance worthy of Albert Camus. Existential dude!

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Richard Bayliss

sam allardyce

"Big" Sam Allardyce does his best Richard Bayliss impression

Appearances: 9

Position: Utility

Goals: 1

Comment: Despite being the eldest member of the squad, Richard was an ever-present appearing in all 9 of the Bookworms fixtures. Although he rarely completed the full 90 minutes (well…the full 26 minutes to be exact), often coming on as a substitute or being subbed himself, he was the very definition of ” stalwart”. Actually the definition of stalwart includes the words “beefy”, “hefty” and “stout”…hmm…we’ll go for “veteran” instead shall we? Let’s not encourage the “Big” Sam Allardyce comparisons eh? A contender for “Player of the Season”? Few who witnessed his last minute winner versus SFC would disagree.

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Robert Sherratt

https://i0.wp.com/www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00048/NWL12TOON_280x290_48446a.jpg

Robert misses yet another game after failing to escape from a meeting with Richard Heseltine

Appearances: 6

Position: Forward

Goals: 1

Comment: His season blighted by injury and unmissable meetings, Robert never quite fulfilled his potential as a marauding forward. Despite registering just one solitary goal, it was not due to a lack of minutes in the pitch – when he did play Robert downright refused to ever be subbed. Talk about stubborn – Robert was more persistent than Man City’s pursuit of John Terry!

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Gary Moore

gary moore

Gary found combining a career in football with one as a rock star problematic - well where do you put your plectrum when wearing a football strip?

Appearances: 9

Position: Forward

Goals: 6

Comment: Hey come on – 6 goals in 9 games – that’s a ratio any statistician would get their modes and medians in a muddle over. Easily the most prolific Bookworm in front of goal – his crowning glory being the hat-trick he bagged against Union All Stars. In fact, you could say he was “over the hills and far away” the best striker in the team….or… he was “out in the field” of his own…or…this man could make an”empty room” look full of goals (please stop – Music ed)

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John Higham

peter crouch

It's a little known fact that "Big" John is made entirely from pipe cleaners

Appearances: 7

Position: Midfield

Goals: 2

Comment: In many ways the Paul Daniels of the squad, “Big” John has that special knack of being able to conjure up something out of nothing. Two goal star against the Law School and provider of exquisite technique with his Van Basten like volley in the final game of the season, “Big” John is an enigma. He doesn’t look like he should be able to play football, yet somehow he does.

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Pengfei Xue

park ji-sung

Pengfei means business - actually it means "flight of the roc" the bird of legend (Translation ed)

Appearances: 5

Position: Defender

Goals: 0

Comment: Possessor of perhaps the hardest shot in the squad, what he lacked in finesse Pengfei made up for in commitment. Generally operating in defence, Pengfei had that ability to run straight through an opponent taking ball, man, shirt, boots and anything else that got in his way with him. This all-action style occasionally meant Pengfei would run out of puff before the end but he remains the Bookworms’ own little magic dragon.

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Paul Andrews

roy race

Real "Paul of the Bookworms" stuff doesn't have quite the same ring to it

Appearances: 2

Position: Wherever he wanted to play

Goals:1

Comment: Bookworms’ very own Roy of the Rovers, Paul was head and shoulders above the rest of his team-mates. Unfortunately, so sporadic were his appearances that they began to believe that, like Roy Race, he was also a fictional character. Did he really exist or had they just dreamed of having such a quality player in their ranks?

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Carl Barrow

hank marvin

A life spent in the Shadows had aged Carl prematurely

Appearances: 2

Position: Lead guitar … sorry … Forward (for what it was worth)

Goals: 0

Comment: Carl remained very much on the periphery of the Bookworms squad with only 2 appearances – in fact so much was he destined to spend his life in the shadows he may as well have called himself Hank and be done with it!

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Simon Lamb

Simon's younger brother hated having to wear his sibling's hand-me-downs

Appearances: 7

Position: Defender

Goals: 0

Comment: Poor old Simon! His gentle demeanour and impeccable manners meant he was always going to come up short in the rough and tumble of 6-a-side. With his youthful boyish looks, Simon has the countenance of the Milky Bar Kid’s elder brother. Unfortunately for Simon, he never lived up to the legendary advert’s rhyming couplet ..”The Milky Bar kid is strong and tough, and only the best is good enough…” generally being as useful in defence as the proverbial chocolate teapot. ————————————————————————————————

MATCHES

Fri Feb 20 Bookworms 0-4 SHES (Sports Science)

Kick off 12.40

Match Report

After the opening match against Sabbaticals had been cancelled due to snow, this became the first game of the season and it was a fearful eyeopener for the Bookworms. If this was the standard, our brave lads could be in big trouble. A desperate rearguard kept the score to 0-1 at halftime after which the floodgates opened. SHES took complete control orchestrated by the lad with the giant afro.

Goalscorer: Never even got in their half

All hands to the pumps for the overworked Bookworms defence

All hands to the pumps for the overworked Bookworms defence

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Fri Mar 06 Bookworms 1 – 7 SFC (Sports Centre Staff)

Kick off 12.40

Match Report

Hopes were raised when the SFC team appeared to have 2 players approaching retirement age in their ranks but a 1-0 half time lead supplied by A.N Other (somebody’s mate who’s name is lost in the mists of time) proved to be a false dawn. A second -half trouncing including well taken goals by both pensioners taught the Bookworms a valuable lesson – something to do with respect and elders apparently.

Goalscorer: A N Other

Believe it or not this guy was Man of the Match!

Believe it or not this guy was Man of the Match!

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Fri Mar 13 Bookworms 2 – 4 IECS/HIFI (Coastal Studies)

Kick off 12.40

Match Report

Not as close as it sounded in truth – a last minute Gary Moore strike lending the score a respectable sheen. Let’s be honest, Bookworms could have had Mr. Sheen himself applying muscle power and elbow grease in midfield and it still wouldn’t have glossed over the result.

Goalscorers: Robert Sherratt, Gary Moore

Mr Sheen seen polishing the Bookworms sub's bench

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Fri Mar 20 Bookworms 3 – 0 Union All Stars

Kick off 12.40

Match Report

This is why we love football! Just when you think there are no upsets left in this grand old game that has been so undermined by money, greed and the “top four” clubs, along comes a result like this! Gary Moore’s hat-trick was sublime and Chris Awre saved a penalty to give the Bookworms their only clean sheet of the season – but this was a team effort and the lads celebrated as if they had won the World Cup at the final whistle. Men that had only ever nodded at each other whilst passing on the stairs on the way to the staff room were suddenly embracing like long lost brothers…a truly beautiful moment in a season of heartache.

Goalscorers: Gary Moore (hat-trick)

Click below to see Chris Awre’s penalty save

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Fri 17 Apr Bookworms 1- 3 Law School

Kick off 12.40

Match Report

The first appearance of the season of Paul Andrews had Bookworms fans everywhere (somewhere? anywhere?) dreaming of a second win on the spin as Paul slotted in a late equalizer to set up a potentially barn-storming finish. Unfortunately the barn burnt down and the Bookworms succumbed to 2 injury time goals that left them staring at the ashes of another defeat.

Goalscorer: Paul Andrews

New signing Paul Andrews is unveiled prior to kick off

New signing Paul Andrews is unveiled prior to kick off

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Fri Apr 24 Bookworms 2 – 3 Law School

Kick off 12.40

Match Report

A scratch bookworms side missing notably Paul Andrews and Robert Sherrat very nearly pulled off a shock result after being outplayed for most of the game. This was all about “Big” John Higham who simply refused to be beaten. Previous appearances had failed to hint at the naked goal power of the man as he came up with two strikes from nowhere to give the Law School an uncomfortable last few minutes. This guy does not know when to stop!….what?.. oh yeah… the final whistle does the trick usually.

Goalscorers: John Higham (2)

Big John Higham - told you he doesnt know when to stop!

"Big" John Higham - told you he doesn't know when to stop!

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Fri May 01 Bookworms 3-2 SFC

Kick off 12.00

Match Report

The game of the season – this match had everything including for once the right result! Drama? Check! Goals? Just count ’em! (Err… so that’s 5 then – Maths Ed) Last minute heroes? Shucks… you don’t need me to say his name do you? And before you cynics pipe up with “Yes but weren’t you playing a bunch of girls?”, you are referred to that old football adage that you can only beat the team that’s put in front of you. And anyway, those girls were really good……

Goalscorers: Gary Moore (2), Richard Bayliss

An SFC striker on the charge - Bookworms defenders are noticeably absent.

An SFC striker on the charge - Bookworms defenders are noticeably absent.

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Fri May 08 Bookworms 0 – 7 IECS/HIFI

Kick off 12.00

Match Report

(in a Norwegian accent)…” Agnes Cuming… Sir Andrew Motion… Sir Brynmor Jones… Philip Larkin… Dr Richard Heseltine…can you hear me? Dr Richard Heseltine your boys took a hell of a beating! ”

Goalscorers: Yeah right!

Click below to hear the original Norwegian commentator rant


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Fri May 22 Bookworms 0-1 Union All stars

Kick off 12.40

Match Report

Think of footballing heartache and what images come to mind? Gazza’s tears in 1990? Gareth Southgate’s crest-fallen face in 1996? Strike these images from your mind’s eye for they have been replaced by the look of pure agony and injustice etched on the face of everyone of those heroic Bookworms players after this result!

Goalscorers: Coulda, woulda, shoulda!

At least the Bookworms didnt cry like this big girls blouse

At least the Bookworms didn't cry like this big girl's blouse


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